Culpability
by psych21
Summary: Third story in the series...Sequels to Synchronicity and Skyfall. Harvey and Rebecca work on their marriage but face their greatest challenge when past actions threaten everything they have built.
1. Prologue

"After everything we've been through…after everything we have meant to each other…you have the audacity to pull this kind of shit?" Rebecca yelled. "What the hell were you thinking, Harvey?"

"I don't know. It just happened." He sighed.

"Things like that don't just happen." She scoffed. "People make it happen."

"What do you want me to say?"

"I want you to tell me why!" She yelled, walking over to the window and staring out at the skyline.

"I don't know why." He admitted. "I just…I couldn't help myself."

She turned around. "That's a cop out and you know it."

"Ok. You want the real reason?" He scoffed. "We aren't working anymore. You have to admit that you've felt it too. We try to gap the distance between us but we can never quite close the gap all the way. And with everything going on around here…we just aren't connecting the way we used to."

"So your way to fix it is to get drunk and sleep with someone else?" She yelled.

"I didn't say it was a good way to fix it."

"It's a good way to end us though." She sighed.

"I'm sorry!" He yelled.

"Oh you're sorry?" She scoffed. "Well then that makes everything alright."

"We can work through this." He told her.

"How?" She yelled. "I thought that cheating was the one thing I never had to worry about with you. I thought your moral code would prevent that. But you're just a cheating asshole like 95% of the general male population."

"C'mon. Rebecca…"

"NO!" She screamed, causing him to shut up. "There is no way to work through this. There is no way to explain it away. And there certainly is no way for you to fix this!"

"I don't believe that."

"Well believe this." She started grabbing his precious signed baseballs and throwing them at him. She watched as he tried to dodge them all, but he couldn't. When she ran out of basketballs she moved on to the basketballs. One of the basketballs hit him in the head.

The last one she picked up was the one she gave him for his birthday that was signed by Julius Ewing. She picked it up and stopped for a moment. He told her once that this was his favorite autographed ball because she gave it to him.

She looked over at him. He still had his hands up in defense, ready to try and deflect the ball. Instead of throwing it at him, she held on to it and walked a little closer to him.

"I think deep down you did want to destroy us." She told him. "I think that is what you wanted. So congratulations on shattering our life. Just remember, if you can shatter things, I can shatter things too."

"Rebecca…I…"

She took a deep breath and threw the basketball at the glass wall of the office. The force of the throw caused the glass to splinter into tiny pieces, causing everyone on the other side to back up. They had a rather large audience of coworkers watching this argument.

She looked over at Harvey. "Don't bother coming home." Without another word, she held her head up high and walked out of his office. She ignored the stares of the people who were watching and headed to the elevator.

She was aware that Donna was running after her and only stopped when Donna grabbed her arm.

"What was that about?" Donna asked.

She looked at her friends' face and felt bad. "Donna, not now."

"Harvey cheated on you?" Donna whispered. "I find that hard to believe."

"Well believe it." She scoffed. "Because it happened. And Harvey and I are now done."

"You can't really mean that though. I mean you two…"

"We are done." She proclaimed. "I'm not playing this game with him anymore. Now if you'll excuse me I have to go home and pack up his stuff. I'll be sending it to his old penthouse. He can stay there from now on."

She didn't wait for Donna to reply before getting into the empty elevator. As soon as the doors closed, she smiled. Phase one of their plan was now complete.

Judging by the number of people in the office who witnessed their very public falling out, things were right on track. There was no way the right people wouldn't hear about this and believe that she was separating from Harvey. While she felt bad about lying to Donna, she knew they had no choice. For this to work, everyone had to believe that this was real. Everything depended on it.


	2. Chapter 1

Culpability

Chapter One

Three months earlier

Rebecca went into the office first after Harvey opened the door for her. While she had been to Stan's office several times before, this was going to be Harvey's first time. It had been almost a week since Louis' wedding…almost a week since she suggested they come to counseling together and he agreed. During that week he had been making an effort to be around more. He was coming home for dinner every night and trying to spend more time with both her and the kids.

She knew he was really trying and she appreciated it.

But today she couldn't help but be nervous about being here and she could tell by the look on his face that Harvey was nervous too. She grabbed his hand as they walked to the couch, hoping that would ground him and make him feel better.

"Rebecca." Stan greeted. "It's good to see you again."

"You too." She smiled at the man. "This is Harvey."

"Harvey." Stan smiled at him. "It's good to meet you."

"You two." Harvey replied, breaking away from her to go sit on the opposite side of the couch.

She tried not to be hurt by the fact that he was sitting far away from her, but realized this was his first therapy session. He probably just wasn't comfortable here yet and she would try not to read too much into it.

"So, what brings you both here this evening?" Stan asked.

Rebecca looked over at Harvey. It was now clear to her that he wasn't comfortable here because he was just staring at the pillow he was clutching and pulling imaginary lint off of it. So she decided to answer. "We are here because we need your help to strengthen our marriage."

"I see." Stan nodded, opening his notebook and picking up his pen. "What would you say are the weak spots in your marriage that need strengthening?"

She looked over at Harvey again, but could tell he wasn't going to answer this question either. "I think they are communication and teamwork." She saw Stan write that down in his book.

"Harvey, what do you think?" Stan asked. "Do you agree with Rebecca or disagree?"

"I agree." He nodded.

"Ok." Stan nodded. "Can either one of you give me an example of a time when either lack of communication or lack of teamwork caused an issue between the two of you?"

She looked over at Harvey, certain that now he would speak up. Although she knew he wasn't thrilled about going to therapy, he said he would do it to work on their marriage. So he would speak up. Right? When he didn't say anything, she sighed. "I guess I have an example."

"Ok." Stan nodded. "Tell me about it, please."

"When Harvey came back from Boston, he went behind my back with Jessica to take the majority of my clients away from me. And he didn't tell me about it until after it was a done deal." She explained.

"I thought you were ok with that now." Harvey spoke up.

"I'm only ok with it because I don't have a choice in the matter. Jessica isn't giving me my clients back because she says we have to work it out ourselves. She's not going to get in the middle of things." She replied, looking down at the couch and taking a deep breath.

"You decided on your own that just because I am pregnant and have a lot of other things going on, I can't also do my job. So you convinced Jessica to sideline me from my clients and leave me with the ones that hardly have any billable hours or complicated issues."

"That's not what happened and you know it. I was trying to look out for you." He defended himself. "I thought you could use a break and I was trying to do something nice to show I cared."

"By stealing my clients?" She chuckled, looking over at Stan. "Which, by the way, is something that caused huge arguments between us when we first got together and then several months into our relationship when he thought I was stealing his clients. But he gets to steal mine and I'm apparently not allowed to be upset about it because he was trying to give me help that I never asked for and never wanted. In fact, I'm supposed to be happy and grateful about it because he was only trying to look out for me."

"Do you want your damn clients back? Is that what this is about?" He snapped sharply, whipping his head to look at her. "Because if you do then I'll give them all back to you right now."

"I didn't say that, Harvey." She sighed.

"You didn't have to." He scoffed. "And I didn't know you were still so angry about it."

"I'm not angry." She insisted, releasing a heavy sigh. "I'm frustrated. You unilaterally make decisions for me and for us sometimes and it makes me feel like I don't have a say in things."

"You're one to talk." He pointed out.

"What is that supposed to mean?" She scoffed.

"You decided we weren't selling the penthouse and then bought our house without…"

"No." She interrupted him. "You don't get to play that card here. I tried to get your opinion on the house before I bought it and you refused to give me more than a one word answer about it."

"Because you had that look on your face that meant you loved it and you had your heart set on it." He explained.

"So you're telling me you don't like our house?" She asked quietly. "I tried really hard to find someplace I thought you would like. I did everything I could think of to find someplace to make everyone happy."

"I know." He sighed. "I'm sorry. I do like our house. You did a great job."

"See now I'm not sure what to think about that." She admitted, looking at his face to see if she could tell if he was being honest or not.

"I am being sincere. I just…Shouldn't you be intervening here or something?" Harvey asked, turning to look at Stan. "Isn't that what you are supposed to do?"

"Right now I'm merely trying to get a sense of the dynamic of your relationship." Stan explained.

"So what do you see?" He asked.

Stan sighed and closed his book. "I have only been around you both a short time. Right now, what I see is a lot of unresolved conflict and hurt feelings. I would suppose that you both sweep your issues under the rug, so to speak. Am I correct?"

"No." Harvey answered.

"Yes." She corrected him, looking over at her husband. "We do that a lot of times."

"No we don't." He argued.

"It's one of the main reasons we are here." She reminded him. "We talked about this."

"I can also see that communication is your biggest issue so that is what we are going to focus on first." Stan informed them. "Let's talk about some strategies for better communication."

* * *

"I am so glad that is over." Harvey sighed as they exited Stan's office. A couple of moments later, Ray pulled up on the curb. He opened Rebecca's door for her and watched her get in. She was quiet on the way out of Stan's office and on the elevator ride to the lobby. He wondered how much longer she was going to be quiet.

He was aware that he wasn't the most forthcoming patient tonight. But to be fair he wasn't used to a perfect stranger asking such personal questions about his relationship with his wife. It was weird and was going to take some getting used to.

As the car traveled through the city on the way home, he looked over at Rebecca. She was on her phone and it looked like she was returning emails. Since Louis was still on his honeymoon, she was a lot busier than normal. About half-way to their house, he decided to speak up.

"So what did you think of tonight?" He asked.

"It was ok." She replied, not looking over at him.

"I'm not convinced that Stan is the answer to fixing things." He admitted.

She looked over at him with a raised eyebrow.

"You have to give it more than just one session to see any difference."

"I guess." He nodded. There was silence for a few moments before he spoke again. "Can we talk?"

"Now you want to talk?" She asked, having turned her attention back to the emails. "I think the time to talk was in the office."

"I'm not used to talking about stuff like that in front of strangers."

"I know that."

"Can we talk when we get home?" He asked.

She sighed and looked over at him. "We can, if you will actually talk and it won't just be me saying everything."

"It won't." He assured her.

"Ok." She nodded. "We can talk when we get home."

* * *

Rebecca sat on the bed, going over some paperwork for one of Louis' clients. Harvey was putting Olivia to bed and she was kind of glad for this brief respite. She had let herself have too high hopes for therapy. She thought that they would go and Harvey would immediately open up. They would be able to work through their issues and get to a much better place in record time because they were just that special and wonderful.

But the reality was sinking in.

Harvey didn't really want to talk to a stranger about everything going on. Louis had been talking about Stan ever since she met him. She assumed that Harvey had been hearing about Stan for much longer than her because Louis was always quick to admit that Stan was the reason for his breakthroughs and achievements in the emotional realm.

But hearing about someone and feeling comfortable with them yourself were two different things. While she was angry with him after they left Stan's office, she was starting to realize that Harvey needed to feel safe and respected before he could delve too deeply into the problems that were manifesting themselves into their marriage.

So she needed to cut him some slack. It wasn't going to be easy if he continued to act the same way in future sessions that he did today. But she had to try.

She looked up when the door opened. Seeing it was her husband, she gave him a smile and watched as he sat on the edge of the bed.

"So I bet you aren't happy with me."

"Why do you say that?" She asked.

"I wasn't very vocal in therapy."

She put the stack of papers on the nightstand because they could wait until tomorrow. Then she scooted over so that she was sitting next to him on the bed. "I will admit I was frustrated by that. But I understand why you were quiet and I'm going to try and be patient."

"Thank you." He smiled at her.

"You're welcome." She smiled back. "But that does mean you have to make a real effort to talk more in our sessions. I can't be the only one speaking up all the time. We'll never get through any of our issues that way."

"I agree and I will try to talk more."

"Thank you. That's all I ask." She leaned over to kiss him. "Shouldn't we try and do the communication exercise Stan gave us?"

"We can start doing that tomorrow night."

He wrapped his arms around her body and she felt him gently lift her so that she was on his lap. "Harvey…" She giggled.

"What?" He asked.

"You know what." She lightly swatted his arm because she didn't buy the innocent look he has plastered on his face. She knew what he was trying to do. Luckily for him, she wanted it too. She started to undo his shirt, glad that he had already taken off his tie after they got home.

After his shirt was off, he removed the Harvard shirt she was wearing. She watched as his eyes roamed the top half of her body, starting at her face and moving down to her baby bump.

"God you really are beautiful." He whispered.

"You aren't so bad yourself." She grinned, moving in to kiss him. After a moment she detangled herself from his embrace and laid on the bed, pulling him on top of her.

* * *

Rebecca entered the kitchen later that night. Harvey was fast asleep but she was having trouble falling asleep so she thought maybe a snack would help. She was surprised to see Ethan sitting at the table.

"Hey. What are you still doing up?" She looked at the clock and saw that it was after midnight.

"I can't sleep." He admitted. "So I thought I'd get a snack."

She saw the package of cookies on the table, right next to the glass of milk. "Well great minds think alike because I had the same thought. Do you have enough to share?"

"Yeah." He smiled.

She went over and sat next to him. "I know why I can't get to sleep. I have trouble getting comfortable sometimes. But why are you having trouble sleeping?"

"It's nothing." Ethan shook his head.

"It isn't nothing to me." She said, dipping a cookie in the milk. "Tell me. Please? Or else I will have to start guessing. Trust me. No one wants that to happen."

He chuckled. "Alright. I just…miss everything."

"Can you be a little more specific?"

"I miss the way my life used to be. Don't get me wrong. I'm not unhappy here. I'm aware that things could be so much worse. But I still sometimes miss my old life. I miss having my parents around. I miss my old house and my old room. I miss…just everything. Is that bad?"

Her heart broke for him as he looked up at her with his sad eyes. "No, it isn't bad. It's normal. You've been through so much in such a relatively short amount of time. It's ok to miss your old life."

"I didn't want to seem ungrateful."

"You aren't." She assured him, wrapping her arm around his shoulder. "And you don't have to worry about seeming ungrateful."

"Because I am grateful to you for letting us come live here."

"I know that." She nodded. "Did something happen to make you feel this way?"

"I got my science test back today and I failed it. The teacher said I have to have a parent sign it." He explained.

"Oh." She now understood. "I see."

"It just made me sad." He sighed.

"I can understand how that would make you sad."

"Life's not fair." He scoffed.

"No it isn't." She agreed. "You should have both of your parents still around but you don't unfortunately. You are stuck with Uncle Harvey, your grandmother and me. But the good news is you are still surrounded by a ton of love."

"Yeah." He grinned. "I know."

"Now about that science test." She chuckled. "What is up with that? You are a very smart boy and you normally get good grades. What is going on with science?"

"It doesn't interest me." He shrugged. "I don't like it and I don't understand it."

"Do you want me to get you a tutor?" She offered.

"No." He shook his head quickly. "I'll get made fun of by the other guys if I have to get a tutor."

"Ok. Then how do you propose you raise your science grade?"

"By studying harder?" He questioned.

"Yes." She nodded. "And if you need any help, you can come to me or Uncle Harvey. Ok?"

"I'm not going to Uncle Harvey." He scoffed, rolling his eyes.

"Give him a chance." She encouraged. "Please? He is trying."

"I'll think about it." Ethan sighed.

"Good. Thank you." She smiled. "Now it is getting late. Go on up to bed and try to get some sleep now. Ok?"

"Ok."

He got up from his seat at the counter and surprised her by giving her a hug. She hugged him back. "Everything is going to be ok. Trust me."

"I will." He told her.

"Good night Ethan."

"Good night Aunt Becca."

She waited until she was sure he was on his way back to his room before grabbing another cookie. Parenting was hard.


	3. Chapter 2

Culpability

Chapter Two

When the elevator dinged and they reached the 50th floor, Harvey let Rebecca go first. After he got out of the elevator he caught up to her and grabbed a hold of her hand. It was something he had started doing a few days ago when they got to the office in the morning and when they walked to the elevator at the end of the work day.

The first day he did it, he was rewarded with a huge smile from her so he continued to do it because he loved to see her smile. It was one of the main things he had missed the last several weeks.

"Hello Donna." He greeted when they approached her desk.

"Hi." Donna smiled at them. "Rebecca, you have a potential client waiting in the conference room."

"But I don't have any meetings scheduled for this morning." She chuckled.

"I know." Donna nodded. "But they are a walk-in who refused to leave and come back later."

"Who are they?" She asked.

"Gold Lake Financial." Donna stated.

"It doesn't ring a bell." She shook her head.

"How long have they been here?" Harvey asked.

"About fifteen minutes." Donna answered.

"I guess I should go see what they want." Rebecca sighed.

She went to pull her hand out of his but he instead pulled her closer to him so he could kiss her. "I'd wish you good luck but you don't need it." He whispered into her ear.

She smiled and kissed his cheek before walking to the conference room.

He turned and saw Donna staring at him intently. "What?"

"Nothing." Donna laughed.

He continued to his office, aware that she was following him inside. "What is it Donna?"

"I'm just happy that you and Rebecca are back on good terms again." She smiled.

"We still have some things to work through though." He pointed out.

"There's always going to be something that you can improve upon in your relationship." She agreed. "I'm just saying it's nice to see you both happier."

"It's nice to be happier again." He sighed. "I wasn't sure that would happen."

"I was." She smirked. "I knew you two would be able to work through whatever was going on as soon as you stopped acting like an asshole."

"You do realize that I'm still your boss and you shouldn't call your boss an asshole, right?" He chuckled.

"What are you going to do?" She laughed. "Fire me? Yeah right. Besides, you know I'm right. You were acting like an asshole."

"Yeah, you are right." He took a look at her face. It was the face she used when she wanted something but was nervous to ask. Usually it revolved around taking days off. "What's on your mind? Is there a Secretaries Day coming up that you want off or something?"

"Not exactly." She shook her head. "You know I'm engaged to Charles."

"Yes. I am aware of that." He laughed.

"We have set a date for the wedding."

"Already? That was quick." He was surprised by that. But he shouldn't have been. Once Donna makes a decision about something she doesn't shy away from it. She runs full-throttle.

"We know we want to be married and don't want to waste any more time. So we are getting married in three months." Donna explained.

"I'd ask if three months was enough time for you to plan a wedding but I know you." He laughed. "In three months you could plan twenty weddings."

"That is true!" Donna laughed.

"So what is on your mind?" He asked. "What can I do for you?"

"Well Rebecca knows Charles pretty well by now. She's spent time with him while you were in Boston. The three of us went out to lunch quite a few times and she's talked to him whenever he came in while I was working. But you don't know him as well…"

"I've talked to him." He pointed out. "We talked at that double date dinner, he was at Louis' bachelor party and I talked to him at the wedding as well."

"You've only talked to him a couple of times." She argued. "That doesn't mean you know him that well."

"Ok." He was beginning to see where this was leading. "Do you want me to become best friends with him? Should I invite him over for a playdate?"

"No." She shook her head and rolled her eyes. "You don't have to be best friends. I just want you to make an effort to get to know him a little better."

"Why?"

"Harvey, c'mon." She threw her hands up.

"No." He chuckled. "I legitimately want to know why."

"You are my oldest and dearest friend." She explained. "I want you to get to know him because your opinion matters to me. And I want to know that he will be able to fit into all aspects of my life before I marry him."

He smiled at his friend. "Ok. I'll make an effort to get to know him."

"Thank you." She smiled before leaving his office.

* * *

Rebecca entered the conference room and put a smile on her face for the two gentlemen sitting down. "Hello gentleman. Sorry to keep you waiting, but I didn't know you were coming in."

"It's quite alright, Ms. Monroe." The first man said, standing up and shaking her hand. "Like you said, you didn't know we were coming so we didn't mind waiting. My name is Garrett Moore. This is my associate, Raymond Andrews. We are with Gold Star Financial."

"It's nice to meet you." She said.

"And it's a pleasure to meet you." Raymond said, getting up and moving so he could shake her hand.

"Please…" She gestured to the chairs they got out of. "Have a seat." She watched as they sat back down and then went to the other side of the conference room table to sit down. "So I have to admit you have me at a little bit of a disadvantage today. I don't know anything about you, your company or why you are here."

Garrett smiled. "We worked with your late father in California on some legislation. When we decided to expand to the East Coast and realized you were a name partner at a major firm here…well we decided it was kismet that we try to hire your firm as our counsel for our East Coast operations."

She wasn't expecting to hear that they worked with her father. To be completely honest it threw her for a loop. But she recovered quickly. "Ok. Why don't you tell me a little about your company?"

"We are a privately held equity firm that's been around for almost thirty years." Garrett elaborated. "We focus mainly on leveraged buyouts and capital investments."

"I see." She nodded. "And why expand to the East Coast after all these years?"

"A company who doesn't eventually grow will eventually die." Raymond answered. "It was one of your father's favorite things to tell us. I guess you could say we are finally going along with his advice."

"Why choose me?" She asked. "There are hundreds of lawyers in this city you could hire."

"It's because of your father. We had a good working relationship with him. We trusted him. Now we know you weren't that close to him." Garrett stated. "But we are still hoping that you will be our counsel. He spoke highly of your skills as a lawyer."

She looked at the two older men and then at the table for a moment. There was something about this that made her a little paranoid, but she attributed it to the fact that they were talking about her father. They made it seem like they were very close with him. That was evident by the fact they mentioned she wasn't close to her father. Not many people knew that. She also doubted that her father ever said anything nice about her. But that was a separate issue.

In the end, this was another client and revenue for the firm. She decided to go forward with this for now until she had to make a final decision. "Let me check and make sure that signing you wouldn't be a conflict of interest with any of our other, pre-existing clients."

"Wonderful!" Garrett clapped his hands together.

"Here is my card." Raymond said, sliding the card across the table to her. "Give us a call when you find out if there is a conflict. If there isn't, we would love to be represented by you."

"Ok." She nodded.

"Thank you for your time." Garrett smiled, getting up from his seat. "And sorry for ambushing you this morning."

"It's fine." She waited until the men were out of the conference room and out of the line of sight before frowning. While she was always looking to sign new clients, should she really sign one that her father worked with? And what kind of legislation would a financial group need to work on with a state senator?

She went back towards her office. But she stopped before going in her office and instead went into Harvey's.

"Hey." He looked up from his papers and smiled.

"Hey." She went over to beside his chair and leaned up against his desk.

"What's wrong?"

She couldn't help but grin at the fact that he was able to read her face so clearly.

"Did the meeting go badly?" He asked.

"No. It was fine." She shook her head. "They are with an equity company from California who want me to represent them as they expand their offices out here."

"What's their name again?"

"Gold Star Financial." She answered, watching as he typed it into his computer. He pulled up their website and she turned so she could see too.

"They look like a major financial player in California." He stated. "It would be a nice client to have for the firm."

"Maybe." She told him.

"What's holding you back?"

"They have worked with my father in the past." She explained.

"In what capacity?"

"I guess they worked with him on some kind of legislation?" She shrugged.

"So since they worked with him you aren't sure you want to work with them?"

"Is that silly?" She chuckled.

"Not at all." He assured her. "And I'll support you whatever you choose to do about them."

"Thank you." She leaned in and gave him a kiss. "I guess it shouldn't matter if they worked with my father."

"Just think about it." He suggested. "And remember that you don't have to take every client that wants you to represent them."

"True." She smiled. "Thank you."

"Anytime." He smiled back.

* * *

Rebecca was typing questions for a deposition when she saw Donna standing in the doorway. "Did you need something?"

"Do you have a moment?" Donna asked, still standing in the doorway.

"Of course." She nodded. "You can come in."

She watched as Donna slowly walked into her office and sat down. "Donna, what's on your mind?"

"Charles and I have set a date for the wedding."

She smiled. "That's wonderful! When is it?"

"December 8th."

"Donna…that's three months away." She pointed out.

"I know." Donna nodded. "Is it crazy? Do you think I'm rushing things?"

"I don't think it is crazy and I don't think you are rushing things." She explained. "I think Charles is absolutely perfect for you and I see how much you two love each other. I'm not surprised you want to skip a long engagement."

"Thanks." Donna smiled. "I was also wondering something else though. Would you like to be a bridesmaid?"

"I'd love to." She smiled. Then she noticed the look on her friends' face. "Why do you look so worried?"

"I was just worried you might be upset that I wasn't asking you to be my matron of honor."

"Oh." She laughed. "I already kind of figured that Rachel would be your matron of honor because you two have been friends for a lot longer."

"So you aren't hurt by that?"

"Of course not!" She smiled. "You don't have to worry. I'm fine with Rachel being your matron of honor. But I do appreciate you even thinking about that."

"If you want any help getting the wedding planned, just let me know. I'd be happy to do anything I can for you."

"Thanks." Donna smiled. "I appreciate that. So…you and Harvey…"

"What about us?"

"I've noticed quite a change lately."

"Yeah." She nodded. "He's been trying."

"Are things ok now?"

"They are ok-ish." She admitted. "We have some things to work out, but at least now I know he wants to work them out. So we will be ok."

"I'm glad." Donna nodded.

"So am I." She smiled at her friend.

"I'll let you get back to work now." Donna stood up and walked out of the office.

She waited until Donna left the office before turning in her chair to look out the window. She wasn't lying when she told Donna that she thought her relationship with Harvey would be ok. She did truly believe that. But she was worried about him. Ever since he told her about his guilt about Marcus, he hadn't said another word about it.

It wasn't going to just go away and resolve itself. She felt like he was burying himself in trying to make things right between them and ignoring that issue. It was a sensitive subject but they would need to talk about it at some point.


	4. Chapter 3

Culpability

Chapter Three

"Can you please take the rolls out of the oven for me while I finish the salad?" Rebecca asked Lily as they were finishing up dinner that night.

"Of course." Lily replied, heading over to the oven.

"Thanks."

"No problem." Lily took the rolls out and placed them on the top of the stove. "Are you ok with the rest of this for a moment? I was going to go make sure the kids have washed up."

"Absolutely. I got this." She smiled at the woman.

"And I can help her finish everything." Harvey said from the doorway.

She glanced over at her husband before going back to cutting the tomatoes for the salad. "I think I've got it though. The salad is the only thing left that needs done. Then we are ready to eat."

"Ok." He walked in and stood behind her, wrapping his arms around her and starting to kiss her neck. "Then I will just keep you company while you finish it."

She chuckled. "You don't have to."

"I want to." He assured her. "Unless you don't want me to."

"It's not that." She shook her head. She put her knife down and turned to face him. "I just…you've…it's…"

"What?"

She saw the confused look on his face and hesitated to bring it up. But nothing good would come from holding it inside. "I know you're really making an effort to be around more and I love that. I just think maybe you are taking it to an extreme…"

"What exactly are you trying to say?"

"I am just saying I can finish dinner by myself."

"Now you want me to leave you alone?" He chuckled.

"No." She shook her head. "It's just I don't need you to watch me cut tomatoes. I'm sure there is something else you would rather be doing."

"There isn't." He scoffed. "But ok. I'll take the hint and leave you alone while you cook."

She grabbed his arm. "Harvey…you don't need to leave."

"I apparently do because you're basically telling me that I am suffocating you."

"That's not what I am saying."

"You could have fooled me." He sulked, leaving the kitchen.

She sighed as she finished the salad. The last thing she wanted to do was make him angry. It was sweet that he wanted to be around her so much but it was becoming a little too much lately. It seemed like every time she turned around he was there. She loved having him around more, but at the same time she felt like they were backsliding into past behaviors.

In the last week they had been intimate more than they were before everything fell apart. Touching, hugging, kissing and having sex…all of it was happening more now. And that made her happy. But they weren't talking as much as they should. She worried that they were relying too much on physical intimacy to repair their relationship instead of talking things through.

It was something they had a track record for doing and the last thing she wanted to do was go back into the same kind of behaviors as before. She wanted to suggest they focus more on talking about their problems instead of being physical with each other but she was afraid of his reaction. Though now she realized she needed to have that talk since he was upset with her.

* * *

"This chicken is good." Harvey complimented her halfway through the meal.

"Thank you." Rebecca replied. "It was a new recipe."

"It is really good." Ethan chimed in.

"I like it too!" Olivia exclaimed.

"I have to agree with everyone else." Lily chuckled.

"I'm glad that it is unanimous." Rebecca said.

"So Olivia, how was your day?" He asked.

"Awesome!" Olivia smiled. "I got to be the teacher's helper today. So I got to be first in line for everything and I got to wear the special teacher's helper button. It was amazing."

"That's wonderful." He smiled. Then he looked over at Ethan. "How was your day, Ethan?"

"Fine." Ethan replied, looking over at him and then going back to looking at his plate.

He tried not to take it personally that Ethan was still distant towards him, but it was starting to wear on him. He wanted to have a good relationship with his nephew again. "I hear you are having some issues with your science class."

"I'm handling it." Ethan replied, still not looking over at him.

"If you want any help, I'd be happy to…"

"No thanks." Ethan cut him off.

"Ethan…" Rebecca said gently. "It isn't nice to interrupt."

"Sorry." Ethan sighed.

"It's alright." He assured his nephew. "But the offer stands if you change your mind."

"I won't." Ethan replied, pushing food around on his plate. "But thank you for the offer."

He looked over at Rebecca, who was giving him a sympathetic smile.

* * *

Harvey entered the living room and saw Rebecca in her pajamas. She was sitting on the couch with her legs on the coffee table. Her laptop was resting on a laptop tray that she had sitting on her legs. He stayed in the doorway, silently watching her as she worked.

She was beautiful. It didn't matter if she was in her finest dress or just doing work in her pajamas after a long day. He couldn't believe he had been so stupid as to isolate himself from her after Marcus' death. He could have very easily lost her forever. Thankfully he didn't lose her and he had a second chance to make sure she knew how much he loved her.

But apparently wanting to be around her all day long was starting to get on her nerves. He wasn't expecting that but he would try to respect it, even though he just wanted to make up for lost time. He felt terrible that he essentially missed out on the first trimester of her pregnancy, as well as everything else that had been going on. He should have been there every step of the way with her. Instead he made her deal with everything by herself.

It was selfish of him and he wanted to make it right somehow. He thought that showering her with attention and love was the right way. But it seemed to just bother her. He was getting ready to go upstairs when she looked over at him.

"Hey."

"I didn't mean to disturb you." He apologized.

"You didn't." She assured him. Then she patted the couch cushion next to her. "Come sit with me?"

"Ok." He went over and sat next to her, watching as she pressed save on the computer before closing it up and putting it on the coffee table. "So Ethan will actually talk to you…how long do you think he is going to continue to freeze me out?"

"He's just going through a rough time but it's going to get better." She explained. "I don't think it's even about you anymore."

"What's it about then?" He scoffed. "Because it feels directed towards me."

"It may feel directed towards you, but I don't think it is. Think about everything he has had to go through lately. He's angry and it's easy for him to unleash that anger at you because he feels safe that you aren't going to hate him."

"You think he has a lot of anger?" He hadn't considered that but it would make a lot of sense.

"I know so." She smiled. "He actually talks to me, remember?"

"Don't rub it in." He laughed.

"Ethan is handling things as well as he possibly can right now. But he's going to be ok and his anger towards you won't last forever."

"It might if he ever finds out how terribly I treated Marcus."

He felt her wrap her hands on his face before giving him a kiss. Then she put her forehead up against his. "Hey…that won't happen. You didn't do anything wrong."

"I appreciate you saying that but I have to disagree." He whispered.

"You can disagree all you want. It's ok because I know I'm right." She whispered, kissing his cheek.

He couldn't help but smile.

"I think we need to do the communication exercise Stan gave us."

He groaned. "It doesn't sound like fun."

"I know." She nodded. "But I think it will help. So let's just sit here, look at each other and be completely honest for ten minutes. No holding back, no trying to spare feelings and let's make this a judgement free zone."

"Fine." He nodded. The look in her eyes told him she was serious about completing the homework Stan had given them in their session. Considering they had another session with him tomorrow evening, they probably should at least attempt to follow his advice.

"Is it ok if I start?" She questioned.

"Of course."

"I'm sorry for what happened in the kitchen before dinner." She said.

"It's fine." He shrugged. "You are entitled to your feelings."

"Harvey, I truly don't feel like you are suffocating me."

"That's what you implied though." He pointed out.

"I just wasn't expressing my point of view well enough."

"Ok." He was curious now. "What is your point of view?"

"I love you." She stated. "I love that you want to be around me again and I want to be around you too. But you have to admit you are kind of taking it to an extreme here. I wake up and you are staring at me. You barely let me out of your sight when we are home. At work you insist on spending all coffee breaks and lunches together."

"I just want to spend time with you." He sighed. "What's so wrong about that?"

"Nothing is wrong with it."

"And I thought that you would like it. I know I haven't been around much the past several weeks. I thought you might have missed me the way I missed you. Apparently I was wrong though."

She reached over and grabbed his left hand, sandwiching it in between her hands. "I missed you more than you could possibly imagine. I just…I don't think we need to be joined at the hip."

"Fine." He nodded. "I understand."

He saw that she was studying his face. "What?"

"You don't truly understand what I am trying to say." She shook her head. "I can see it in your eyes."

"Ok fine." He scoffed. "I don't understand. Happy now?"

"No." She shook her head. "I am not going to be happy until we resolve this."

"It is resolved though." He assured her. "I will back off."

"Harvey…"

He stood up. "It's fine. We're fine." He didn't wait for her to say anything else before leaving the room.


	5. Chapter 4

Culpability

Chapter Four

"How did the exercise I gave you go?" Stan asked. "Did you two have any good discussions?"

"I don't know." Rebecca shrugged, not looking over at Harvey. Instead, she focused her attention on one of the books behind Stan's head.

"Well did you do it?" Stan asked. "Did you sit facing each other for ten minutes a day and just take turns talking?"

"It was awkward." She explained. "And to be completely honest, we gave up on it a couple of minutes into the exercise."

"It always is awkward at first." Stan reassured her. "But then it gets easier the more you do it."

He sighed. "I don't see how that is supposed to help us solve our issues."

"Harvey…" She chided.

"I just don't get it." He laughed. "We talk a lot during the day. Why should we do it like that?"

"I think the point is to let everything else in life fade away and just focus on us." Rebecca explained, looking at him and then Stan. "Isn't that right?"

"That is part of it." Stan nodded. "Another part is to create a safe space where you can both tell each other anything."

"I thought that was what these therapy sessions were for." He argued. "Aren't you supposed to be the safe space for us?"

"You just don't get it." Rebecca sighed.

"No, I don't." He sighed, crossing his arms over his chest. "Since you are apparently a gold star therapy student, why don't you explain it to me?"

"You know, Harvey, if you don't want to be here then why are you here?"

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing." She shook her head and turned her head back towards Stan.

"No. Go ahead. Finish your thought." He insisted.

"Alright. Fine." She looked back over at him. "You told me at Louis' wedding that you would do anything to try and fix us. You said you would come to therapy with me."

"And I'm here." He pointed out.

"No you really aren't." She sighed. "Your body is here but you heart and your mind are somewhere entirely different."

"What do you want from me?" He asked softly.

"I want you to try. I want you to take this seriously. I want you to care about this." She replied before turning her attention back to Stan. "Is there a different communication exercise you could tell us about that we could try instead? Maybe one that Senor Grumpy Pants over here will actually be willing to do?"

"Now Rebecca, I'm not sure name calling is the most effective way to deal with your frustration." Stan warned.

"It's not name calling." She rolled her eyes. "It's my new pet name for him."

"Well that's just charming." He rolled his eyes.

"I'm sensing tension between the two of you that wasn't here during your first session." Stan noted. "Did something happen?"

"No." Harvey replied quickly. "We're fine."

She scoffed, causing her husband to look over at her. "Fine? You really think we are fine?"

"Yeah, I do." He nodded.

"If we are fine, then why are we sitting in Stan's office?" She questioned.

"Because you think that we need to be here." He blurted out.

"See?" She said, looking at Stan and pointing at Harvey. "This is why we haven't been able to make any real progress."

"That's not entirely fair to say, Rebecca." Stan reminded her. "This is only your second session. Every couple makes progress at different rates."

"But he doesn't get it." She complained. "He sees this as a chore, something to get through in an attempt to pacify me." She looked over at Harvey. "Am I wrong about that?"

"What else am I supposed to see it as?" He scoffed. "We could be doing this at home by ourselves instead of sitting here twice a week."

"I've said it before and I'll say it again…you just don't understand." She sighed.

"And I'll say it again…why don't you explain it to me?" He sighed.

"Alright. That's enough you two." Stan raised his voice to get their attention. "You two are now bickering, which you weren't doing during the first session. So does someone want to tell me what happened since then? Because something clearly happened."

Rebecca sighed and shook her head. She wasn't going to be the one always volunteering the answers. Harvey needed to speak up too. She stayed quiet and then looked over at him. He was being just as stubborn about this as she was. As much as she wanted to remain stubborn, she also wanted to get Stan's help on this. So she sighed again. "Harvey thinks I feel suffocated by him."

"Because that's what you said!" He chimed in.

"I never used that word." She defended herself. "Never once did I use that word."

"You might as well have." He scoffed.

"You can't put words into my mouth." She told him. "It's not fair."

"I think we are past fair." He whispered.

"What did you actually say?" Stan asked.

"I told him I didn't think we needed to be joined at the hip." She explained. "Every time I turn around, he is there. I'm glad he is around more, but I don't need to be around him 24/7."

"Which means she thinks I am suffocating her." He interjected.

"I don't think that is what she meant." Stan said.

"Thank you." Rebecca sighed in relief. "It's not what I meant."

"Fine." He scoffed. "Take her side."

"There are no sides, Harvey." Stan informed him. "We are all on the same side…the side that wants to get your relationship to a stronger place."

"I didn't realize we were weak." He rolled his eyes.

"Ugh!" Rebecca groaned.

"What now?" Harvey questioned.

"I just wish you would take this seriously and actually try!" She exclaimed angrily. She then looked at Stan. "The thing I dislike the most about him is the way he can shut down when you try to get him to do something he clearly doesn't want to do. And despite what he told me, he doesn't want to do this."

"Well you aren't perfect either!" Harvey yelled. "Why is it that every time we come here it turns into an hour of 'Let's blame Harvey for everything that has ever happened or will ever happen'?"

"I know I'm not perfect and I'm not trying to blame you for everything." She argued.

"You could have fooled me!" He scoffed, looking over at Stan. "It's every single Goddamn time. There hasn't been a single session where she doesn't air at least three grievances she has with me."

"This is only our second session." She pointed out.

"But it has happened both times." He told her.

"Now Harvey, I don't know if that is an accurate representation of what is going on here." Stan said in a calming voice. "Rebecca is clearly just trying to get everything out there on the table so we can address it together. If there is something you would like to address about her or your relationship, you can and should feel free to mention it. But may I point out that Rebecca has been the only one to bring up any issues. You haven't been very forthcoming with things in these sessions. Why do you think that is?"

"Because I'm tired of her railroading me here." He said, crossing his arms over his chest.

"I'm not trying to railroad you." She said calmly. "I'm simply expressing my feelings, which is what I thought was the whole point of coming here. I also thought you were going to do it too. But you haven't been."

"Just another thing I'm doing wrong." He sighed.

She sighed. "Harvey, I'm not trying to blame you for everything."

"In order for you two to work past everything that has happened, you must be able to communicate openly." Stan told them while looking at Harvey. "If you aren't willing to talk, then these sessions are a waste of everyone's time and we should just stop right now. I can't help you unless you are both willing to take a good look at yourselves and your relationship."

* * *

Harvey looked over at Rebecca, who was fidgeting in her seat and playing with her wedding ring. She was right. He had promised to come here and do the hard work to make their relationship better. But so far he was letting his own personal comfort come before her desire to make their relationship whole again.

She wasn't trying to hurt him or vilify him. He understood that and only said it because he was frustrated. But it wasn't the truth or even how he really felt. She looked hurt and angry. He knew he had to make this right.

The only way he could do that was to go out of his comfort zone and really open up to Stan. It wasn't going to be easy for him but he knew it was what she deserved and needed. Now was the perfect time for him to step up and prove to her that he could take this seriously.

"Ok. I will try to do better about not getting so defensive and also about opening up." He promised.

"Very well then." Stan nodded. "Let's start now. Rebecca has said that your ability to shut down and shut her out of your life caused her great sadness and also made her angry. What do you have to say to that?"

He sighed. "I say that my shutting down wasn't about her at all. It was my own way of being able to cope with everything that was going on. I was completely overwhelmed at the time. And I realize now that I shut her out too much and for too long. But at the time I thought that it was my only choice."

"Can you see how that might have made Rebecca think the worst?" Stan asked.

"Absolutely." He nodded. "I know it wasn't fair to her. I know she had her own stuff she was trying to deal with at the time. I know she wanted to lean on me but I wasn't there for her. And I know that she has every right to be angry with me for the way I treated her."

"Why do you think your first reaction to everything going on was to shut her out of your life?" Stan asked.

"I don't know." He shrugged.

"Harvey…" Stan sighed. "You had to have known that shutting her out of your life would hurt her. Yet you did it anyway. Why do you think that is?"

"I don't know." He said. "It was an unconscious decision."

"I think you do know." Stan pushed.

"Alright. Fine." He scoffed. "I was worried she would leave me because it seems like everyone always leaves and I thought it would be easier if I pushed her out of my life before she could do that to me."

"Harvey…"

He was looking down at the floor but felt Rebecca put her hand on top of his. So he looked over at her.

"I love you and I'm not leaving you." She promised. "You have to start trusting that."

"But look at everyone in my life who has loved me but still left. My dad, Katie, Marcus…at some point my mom is going to die. Everyone leaves." He pointed out.

"And you think Rebecca will leave you?" Stan asked.

Harvey looked over at Stan. "I know she will at some point."


	6. Chapter 5

Culpability

Chapter Five

"But look at everyone in my life who has loved me but still left. My dad, Katie, Marcus…at some point my mom is going to die. Everyone leaves." Harvey pointed out.

"And you think Rebecca will leave you?" Stan asked.

Harvey looked over at Stan. "I know she will at some point."

"Why do you say that?" Stan asked.

"Because look at everyone else who has left me. Half of my family is gone."

"But those were people dying. It isn't the same thing as someone leaving you." Stan pointed out. "Are you afraid that Rebecca will die?"

"No." He shook his head. "I mean I'm always a little afraid something bad will happen to her, but I'm mostly afraid she will just leave me…that she will walk out of my life and be gone forever."

"That's not going to happen." She assured him.

He looked over at her. "I know you say that. But there have been so many times I haven't been fair to you…so many times I have treated you horribly. One of these days you will get tired of it. You will see that you deserve better than me and you will leave."

"You really think that?" She whispered.

"I know that." He sighed, turning to look at the carpet. "Believe me, I don't want it to happen. I'm dedicated to doing everything I can to make sure it doesn't, but I still deep down believe it will happen. Maybe not soon, but eventually. It's part of the reason why I've been trying to spend so much time with you. I want to make up for the time I lost with you while I was grieving Marcus and I'm also trying to soak up as much time with you as I can before I lose you."

There was silence in the room for several minutes.

"Harvey, is this a new fear you have or something that you have feared for a while?" Stan asked.

"I've feared it for a long time." He answered, feeling the couch shift. He saw Rebecca get up and walk over to the window with her back to him. "But it's gotten worse the last few weeks since Marcus' death."

"Rebecca, do you have anything to say to Harvey about what he just confessed?" Stan asked.

"I don't know what to say." She replied in a quiet voice.

He saw her bring her hands up to her face and realized he had made her cry. That was the last thing he wanted to do. Now he felt like an ass.

When she turned around he saw the confirmation that she had been crying. She had wiped the tears away but her eyes were still lined with moisture.

"Rebecca…I didn't mean to make you cry. I just…"

"No." She interrupted him, her voice stronger now. "It's my turn for a moment."

"Ok." He relented.

"I know that you are afraid of people leaving. That's why you don't like to let people in to see the real you. You have these tiers of vulnerability that you place people in and the tier they are in corresponds with how much you truly let them in. And it's damn near impossible to reach the top tier. I like to think that I'm in the highest tier, that you let me in the most."

"You are." He assured her.

"I don't always feel like it." She confessed. "But that's a separate issue for a different time. My point with this is that I love you. I always have and I always will. It's not going to change and the only way I'm going to leave you is if you truly don't want me anymore."

"And that's never going to happen." He promised her.

"Then you are never going to lose me." She smiled.

"But you…" Before he could finish his statement, she crossed the room and knelt down in front of him. She took his face in her hands and started kissing him.

She pulled away and sat next to him on the couch again. "Harvey…I know that you are afraid of the Specter curse but you don't need to be."

"Specter curse?" Stan interjected.

"It's something that I started to wonder about after my brother died." He explained. "The men in my family…they all lose their families in one way or another and then end up alone."

"And you think this was because of some curse that makes it impossible to be happy?" Stan questioned.

"When you say it like that it sounds stupid, but yeah." He nodded. "I feel like eventually it's all going to crumble down around me and I'll be alone."

"Is that why you pushed Rebecca away for so long?" Stan asked.

"It's a big part of the reason." He admitted. "I thought it would be easier if I left her before she could leave me. Because if she ever left me, I'd be devastated."

"What do I have to do to prove that I'm not going to leave you?" She asked. "We're married. We're having a baby together. We're raising your niece and nephew. We're partners at the same firm. My life is completely entangled with yours and I don't want it to be any other way."

"I can't guarantee that I won't lash out at you again or that I won't push you away again." He explained. "I could promise you I won't but the truth is I'm not confident I would be able to keep that promise. And eventually you will see that I'm just not worth it."

"Harvey, what I'm hearing is that you…"

"Shh!" Rebecca silenced Stan, holding her finger up to reiterate that she wanted him to be quiet.

"Harvey, you aren't perfect. I know that and I understand that. As much as I hate it when you shut me out, I know realistically you'll never completely stop that. I know you can figure out a way to stop doing it as much, but there will still be times you shut me out. I know you will still lash out at me, although I hope the frequency turns to rarely. You're going to hurt me and I know that going into this. Our relationship will have ups and downs. I'll anger you and you'll anger me. But that's part of marriage. We deal with the good and the bad together."

"But…"

"No." She shook her head and interrupted him. "I need you to hear me when I say this and really understand it. Harvey, you are worth it. You are worth experiencing the ups and downs of a relationship. I don't know how else to explain it but you are everything to me. When I thought you were leaving me I had to go to therapy to try and deal with it. That should tell you everything you need to know right there about how much I love you. I have absolutely no intention of ever leaving you."

"But…"

"No buts." She smiled. "I know you can't promise you will never hurt me. I can't promise I will never hurt you either because we can't predict the future. All I'm asking from you is that you promise we will try everything possible to fix anything that goes wrong between us and that neither of us runs away."

"I can do that." He nodded.

She smiled. "Good." Then she turned to Stan. "Sorry. You can continue with whatever you were going to say."

"Honestly I don't know if I really need to now." Stan chuckled. "I think you two are handling this very well."

"See?" She chuckled. "We can both be gold star therapy students."

He couldn't help but smile at her.

"So Harvey, how do Rebecca's words make you feel?" Stan asked.

He looked at her and grabbed a hold of her hand. "I feel lucky. I have an amazing woman in my life who understands me and puts up with my shit."

"May I make a suggestion?" Stan asked.

"Ok." He nodded. "Go ahead."

"Well I know Rebecca told you that she has been coming to see me for solo sessions. I wonder if you might benefit from coming to see me for solo sessions as well. Given what you have told me about this Specter curse, I think we need to delve into your abandonment issues a little deeper." Stan explained. "Is that something you might be open to?"

She looked over at her husband. It was something she had suggested to him before and he was hesitant about it.

"You actually aren't the only one to suggest that." Harvey chuckled. "I didn't think I needed it earlier. But maybe it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world though."

"We can at least try a couple of solo sessions and see how it goes." Stan suggested.

"Ok." He nodded.

She couldn't help but smile at his acceptance of going to solo therapy. She truly believed it would not only help him but also their relationship. It was a big step and she was proud of him.

"Wonderful." Stan smiled. "Now…let's talk about some strategies both of you can use when you are arguing or feel like the other one is trying to run away."

* * *

That night, Harvey stood in the doorway of their bedroom, watching as Rebecca got changed into her pajamas. She had her back to him so she wasn't aware that he was there. Today's therapy session was intense, but he couldn't help feeling optimistic about things. They got a lot of things out into the open.

He wasn't thrilled about going to therapy alone, but Stan and Rebecca were right to suggest it. It wasn't normal to be so worried about people leaving his life and he needed to get it under control better before it ruined everything. He also needed to deal with his grief about Marcus. Right now he was simply burying it deep down so that he could function every day. But he was smart enough to know that it would catch back up with him at some point.

And it wouldn't be pretty when it did.

He saw Rebecca turn around after slipping on her Harvard pajama shirt.

"So you are turning into a voyeur now?" She asked with a grin on her face.

"Only with you." He crossed the room and wrapped his arms around her waist.

She sighed deeply. "It's been a long day."

"Yes it has." He agreed. "That session was exhausting."

"I agree." She nodded. "But I am so proud of you."

He couldn't help but scoff. "Why?"

"Because you opened up to Stan today. You talked about your fears and your vulnerabilities, which I thought was going to take you a lot longer to do. But you surprised me today in a good way. And then you also have agreed to go to therapy for yourself. So I'm proud of you."

He leaned in and placed a soft kiss on her lips. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." She wrapped her arms around his neck. "I'm sorry you still think I might leave you. But I am not going anywhere."

"In my heart, I know that." He told her. "I just apparently need some help to get my mind to believe it too."

"If there is anything I can do to help you with that, just let me know." She smirked.

"What exactly did you have in mind to help me?" He chuckled.

"Just this or that." She shrugged. "Although most of the things I can think of include one or both of us having far less clothes on."

"Perhaps we should take a test run of a few of these things." He smirked. "Just to see what they are and if they might help me."

She laughed and kissed him. "I think that can be arranged."


	7. Chapter 6

Culpability

Chapter Six

Harvey opened the door for Ethan, letting him go into the gym first. It was Saturday afternoon and he had brought Ethan to the gym for some guy time. Thankfully the gym wasn't too busy today.

"Why did you drag me here?" Ethan questioned.

"We are here because I am going to teach you how to box." He replied.

"Why would I want to learn that?"

He could tell that Ethan was hesitant about boxing but he still thought this was going to be a good way to try and break down some of the tension between them. "It will be fun. Besides, your grandfather taught both me and your father how to box. We were about your age when we started. I think it is time someone teaches you."

"Dad knew how to box?" Ethan asked.

He knew now that he had Ethan's attention and smiled. "Yeah. He knew how but he wasn't very good at it because he never practiced or took it seriously. Let's see if we can teach you to be even better than him."

"Alright." Ethan nodded with a slight smile on his face.

* * *

"What kind of cookie are we going to make today?" Rebecca asked Olivia as they stood in the middle of the kitchen. Since Harvey was out with Ethan on a mission to bond, she decided that she would stay here with Olivia and bake cookies. That way when the guys came home they would have a delicious snack.

"Can we make the chocolate chip cookies with the frosting that my mom always made?" Olivia asked. "Please?"

She didn't know what to do because she didn't have that exact recipe. She looked over at her niece. "Sweetie, I would love to do that, but the problem is I don't have the exact recipe. I know which one you are talking about though. Would it be ok if we made a modified version of it?"

"I guess so…as long as it has chocolate chips and icing!" Olivia replied after thinking about it for a moment.

"It definitely will have that." She promised. "We could even put some sprinkles on top too!"

"Yes!" Olivia cheered. "I love sprinkles!"

"Ok." She saw Lily enter the kitchen and smiled. "Hey. Do you want to help us bake cookies?"

"Oh no thank you." Lily shook her head and went to the fridge. "I just came in to get a bottle of water before I go take a nap."

"Are you ok?" She asked.

"Yes." Lily nodded. "But I had treatment yesterday and I'm just a little extra tired. I'll be fine after a nap."

"Ok." She nodded.

"Wake me up when the cookies are ready though." Lily smiled. "I'd love to have one when they are still warm."

"Ok!" Olivia chimed in.

She watched as Lily left the room and wondered if she should be worried about the woman. Lily was usually tired the day after a treatment, but not usually to the point where she had to take a nap anymore. She decided to check in with her later and headed to the pantry.

"Aunt Becca, can I ask you a question?"

"Sure you can." She said as she reached into the pantry for the ingredients they needed.

"When you have the baby, will they be my new brother or sister?"

She froze, grateful that she had her back turned to Olivia at the moment. That question caught her off guard and she knew she had to think fast. "Why would you ask that?"

"Well you and Uncle Harvey are like our new parents, right?"

She turned around and put the ingredients that were in her hands on the counter before sitting next to Olivia. "I can see how you would be confused about this. It is confusing. Uncle Harvey and I are acting like parents to you, and we love you like you were one of our own. But we aren't your new parents. We are your bonus set of parents."

"What's the difference?"

"Well…your mom and dad are always going to be your mom and dad."

"But they are in Heaven." Olivia pointed out.

"Yes, they are." She nodded. "But they will always be your parents. You know that game you like to play on your iPad sometimes with the candy and jewels?"

"Yeah."

"You know how sometimes when you finish a group of levels you get to a bonus round?"

"Yeah."

"Well Uncle Harvey and I are like bonus round parents to you and Ethan." She explained.

"Oh…ok." Olivia smiled. "That makes sense."

"Good." She was relieved about that.

"But you didn't answer my question. Is the baby going to be my brother or sister?"

"Technically it will be your cousin." She explained. "But since you are going to be raised together, I guess you could call them your brother or sister if you really want."

She wasn't sure that was a good idea or not. Normally that would be the kind of thing she would want to run past Harvey and get his opinion on. But she had a feeling Olivia wanted an answer now instead of waiting.

"Ok!" Olivia exclaimed happily. "It would be nice to have a younger brother or sister. I don't want to be the youngest anymore."

"Ok." She was glad that Olivia was happy with her answer. "Let's get started on these cookies."

* * *

"Remember, you're right hand is going to be held closer to you since that is the hand you write with. That right hand will be the hand you punch after jabbing with your left hand."

"Like this?" Ethan asked, hitting the punching bag with his left hand a couple of times before punching it harder with his right hand.

"Exactly!" Harvey smiled, clapping his hands together. "That's exactly right. Good job! You're doing great."

"This is actually kind of fun." Ethan chuckled, doing it again.

"It is." He agreed. "It is also a good way to get any frustrations out in a safe way."

"Ugh. Have you been talking to Aunt Becca about me?" Ethan groaned.

"Yes, a little. But only because you won't talk to me yourself and I want to know what's going on with you."

"What did she say?"

He realized that he needed to tell the truth and make sure that Ethan knew Rebecca hadn't spilled any of Ethan's secrets. "The only thing she told me is that you might be feeling frustrated."

"Well wouldn't you if you were me?" Ethan scoffed.

"I certainly would." He nodded. "Do you know what I do when I get really frustrated?"

"What?" Ethan scoffed again. "Abandon your family?"

"No." He was surprised by Ethan's candor, but he wasn't mad. He stayed calm and gave no real reaction to the comment. "I actually come here and punch this bag while naming everything I am frustrated with."

"And that helps?" Ethan questioned.

"It does." He nodded, seeing the skeptical look on his nephew's face. "There is something very therapeutic about punching this bag and letting everything out. Do you want to give it a try?"

He watched as Ethan looked at the punching bag and then at his hands. Finally he looked over. "Ok. I can give it a shot."

"Go for it." He encouraged.

"Ok." Ethan held his hands up in the beginning stance. Then he landed a punch on the bag with his left hand. "That's for having to move here." Punch. "That's for leaving my friends and school behind." Punch. "That's for having to start all over at a new school."

He switched it up and hit the bag with his right hand. "That's for someone killing my mom." He punched the bag again with his right hand, only harder this time. "That's for my dad driving drunk with Olivia in the car." He punched it again, even harder this time. "That's for my dad killing himself like a stupid coward." Hitting it even harder still, he continued on. "That is for you abandoning us when we needed you the most, for not being there for me and Olivia and for making Aunt Becca so unhappy. That's for everything going wrong all the time. That's for things getting worse every time I think things are starting to get better." He then continued to hit the bag over and over again.

He finally had enough of watching Ethan try to destroy the punching bag and grabbed the bag, putting it out of Ethan's reach.

"Why did you do that?" Ethan asked. "I was just getting the hang of it."

"Yeah, you did get the hang of it. You're doing a great job. But there is always a time where you need to stop before you hurt yourself or punch open the bag. I think you could have punched the bag open."

"Geez. I was just doing what you suggested." He pointed out.

"I know." He nodded. "Let's take a break though." He motioned for Ethan to join him off to the side. "I guess I didn't realize how much you are frustrated about or the level of your frustration." He sat down next to where he dropped his gym bag earlier.

Ethan just shrugged his shoulders as he sat down too.

He pulled out two bottles of water and gave one to Ethan. "I knew that you had to be frustrated about everything that has happened with your parents. And I knew that you were frustrated about the way I treated Aunt Becca. I saw that clearly in your face and have heard it every time you talked to me lately. But I guess I didn't realize you felt abandoned too."

"Yeah, well…I'm a Specter." Ethan pointed out. "We don't like to talk about our emotions like that and shouldn't talk about it to other guys. At least that's what dad always said."

"With all due respect, your father was wrong." He pointed out in a quiet voice, causing Ethan to turn his head and glare at him. "We should be talking about it. We should be talking about everything. I know you feel closer to Aunt Becca than to me and I don't want to intrude on your relationship with her. But I want you to know you can talk to me too. If the guys in this family did more talking about our feelings, maybe it would have made a difference with your dad."

"Maybe." Ethan admitted. "Now you sound like Aunt Becca though. She's been trying to tell me the same thing for weeks now."

"There are worse people to sound like. She's one of the smartest people I know so I will take that as a compliment." He grinned before turning serious again. "I'm sorry you felt like I was abandoning you."

"It's ok." Ethan shrugged.

"No, it really isn't." He shook his head. "That day you lost your dad and I lost my brother. Both are powerful losses and neither one is greater than the other. But I'm the adult and I should have been able to put aside what I was feeling in order to be there for you, your sister, your grandmother and your Aunt Becca. Instead, I let myself wallow in my own grief and feelings of guilt for far too long. It wasn't right and although I have apologized to Aunt Becca and your grandmother, I haven't apologized to you yet. So I'm sorry for that and I'm sorry for my actions. I truly didn't mean to make you think I was abandoning you."

"It just felt that way." Ethan sighed. "You claimed you would be there for us and then you disappeared. You didn't have dinner with us anymore, or say more than two or three words to us every day. And Aunt Becca was so sad. I heard her crying a few times when she thought no one was around…"

"I know." He nodded. "There is no excuse that is good enough for that. I know I caused a lot of hurt with my actions."

"Why did you feel guilty?" Ethan asked.

He was hoping Ethan wouldn't catch that but he was wrong. Of course Ethan would catch his slip. While he wasn't going to tell his nephew everything, he could tell him an abridged version. "I felt guilty because your dad was my brother. I should have realized the extent of his pain. I should have been there for him more. I should have helped him more and I should have let him know how much he meant to me when I had a chance. He was my brother and I failed him. I let him down in the worst possible way and there is no way to make up for that now."

"Uncle Harvey, he knew that you loved him."

"What do you mean?"

Ethan chuckled. "I used to fight with Olivia all the time. We'd scream at each other for no reason at all. They were stupid fights and I can't even remember what they were about anymore. That's how dumb they were. But Dad would always tell me that I shouldn't fight with her because one day Olivia was going to become my best friend, just like you became his best friend. He was always telling me that I had to be more like you. I had to set a good example for my little sister. I had to make sure I was looking out for her and helping her whenever I could."

"He wanted you to be like me?" He couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"Yeah." Ethan nodded. "He wanted me to treat Olivia the way you treated him. He said that was my birthright as the older sibling. He never once badmouthed you, except to say that he wished you hadn't stayed away for so long."

"I didn't know that."

"You never asked." Ethan shrugged.

"No I guess I didn't." He acknowledged with a chuckle. "Do you think we can be ok again? I don't like the amount of distance between us lately. I'd like to be able to talk to you about how your day is or help you with your homework."

He watched at Ethan seemed to be thinking it over.

"Can you also continue to teach me how to box?"

"Of course." He smiled. "I think you are a natural."

"Do you think I'll be better at it than my dad was?"

"I think there is no doubt of that." He chuckled.

"Cool." Ethan grinned.

"So are we ok?"

"We're good." Ethan nodded.

He was relieved that his plan worked.

"Can I hit the bag some more?"

He smiled. "Yeah. You can hit the bag again. Then maybe we should go back home."

* * *

Rebecca shook some blue sprinkles over one of the cookies that they had iced. "What do you think?"

"Pretty!" Olivia cheered before picking up the pink sprinkles and dousing her cookie with it. "How about this one?"

"Wow, that's a lot of sprinkles. But it looks good." She grinned. "Why don't you go gently wake up your grandma so she can have a cookie?"

"Ok!" Olivia ran out of the room.

She watched her niece leave and then put sprinkles on the rest of the cookies that weren't done yet. She was just about finished when she saw Ethan and Harvey enter the room. "Hey." She smiled.

"Hey." Ethan greeted.

"Would you like a cookie? They aren't your mom's exact recipe but I think they are close." She explained.

"Sure." Ethan picked one up and started to eat it. "It's good."

"I'm glad." She smiled at the guys. "How was boxing?"

"It was fun. I think we are going to go again soon." Ethan replied, looking at her and then Harvey. "I'm going to go read now though. Thanks for the cookie and thanks for teaching me to box."

"You're welcome." Harvey spoke up.

She waited until she was sure that Ethan was out of earshot before moving closer to Harvey. "So how did it really go? I'm assuming pretty well since it seems like you two are on better terms?"

"It went really well." He smiled.

"I'm glad." She told him before going over to the sink to clean the dishes.

"How did it go with Olivia?"

She turned around and saw him eating a cookie. "It was fun."

While she probably should have told him about the questions Olivia asked, now wasn't the right time.


	8. Chapter 7

Culpability

Chapter Seven

After dinner, Rebecca found Lily in her painting studio. "Mind if I come in for a moment?"

"Of course." Lily replied, not looking away from her canvas. "What's up?"

"I brought some tea for us. I was hoping we could talk."

"Ok. That was sweet of you. What's on your mind?" Lily asked, putting down her paintbrush and looking over at her.

"I'm just a little worried about you lately." She explained, going over and setting Lily's tea on the small table next to her canvas.

"Why?"

"You don't normally have to take a nap after your treatments anymore. And you have been extra quiet the last few days. What's going on?"

Lily sighed. "Nothing is going on."

She knew that was a lie and wasn't going to let Lily get away with it. There was clearly something bothering her and she wanted to know what it was. "I find it hard to believe. I know you. Something is wrong. Please tell me."

Lily sighed. "Fine. These treatments…I know you think they are working…and I hope to God that they are. I just…I'm getting tired of them."

"I know that the treatment has got to be draining." She acknowledged. "Are you sorry you agreed to them?"

"No." Lily shook her head. "I'm just tired of the treatments and getting impatient. That's all."

"It's only another two weeks before the doctor does the tests to see how you are responding to the treatment." She pointed out. "Then we will be know if the treatment is working."

"If I'm completely honest I'm also worried about what will happen if the tests reveal the treatments aren't working." Lily admitted. "I don't want to die. But it is the first thing I think about when I wake up in the morning. It's the last thing I think about before I fall asleep at night and I think about it a hundred times during the day. And I'm frustrated because if the tests show the treatment isn't working, then I have wasted time I could have spent enjoying my life."

"Why haven't you said anything about this before?" She asked. While she knew that it wasn't easy for Lily to be going through this, she didn't realize the magnitude. Guilt seeped into her brain.

Lily sighed. "You have had more than your fair share of things to worry about. The last thing I wanted to do was add to your burden. How was I supposed to tell you this?"

"But I want you to be able to tell me these things. Lily, Harvey and I love you. We want to be there for you throughout this whole journey. I don't want you to feel like you can't tell me when something is bothering you."

"I appreciate that." Lily nodded. "But the truth remains that you and Harvey have enough on your plate without worrying about me."

She couldn't help but grin. "You realize we will worry about you no matter what though, right? And when you don't tell us something is bothering you it only makes it worse for everyone. What happened to making sure that we start telling each other everything in this family?"

Lily chuckled. "I know. I just…"

"You're scared."

"I am very scared." Lily admitted softly. "I'm trying not to be, but I can't help it."

"What you are facing has got to be scary." She pointed out. "I'm sorry I haven't done a good enough job being there for you."

"You've been doing everything you can." Lily told her. "Don't be hard on yourself."

"I'm going to do better from now on." She promised.

Lily smiled at her.

"Anytime you feel like you want or need to talk, I want you to find either me or Harvey and we will drop everything. Alright?"

"It's not necessary…"

"Yes, it is." She insisted. "We have been too wrapped up in other things to support you the way you need right now and I'm sorry about that. But we aren't going to do that anymore."

"Alright." Lilly nodded. "Thank you."

* * *

Harvey pushed the button on the phone and waited for them to pick up.

"Hey Harvey." Mike greeted.

"Is this a bad time?"

"Actually no." Mike chuckled. "Laura is asleep and Rachel is putting James to bed right now. So it is relatively calm here for the moment. What's up?"

"I was wondering if I could ask you for a favor."

"A favor? Sure. I can most likely help you. What do you need?"

"It's a two part favor." He explained. "I want to surprise Rebecca with a weekend away. I just need you to cover any emergencies that come up with our clients and I need you and Rachel to take Olivia for the weekend."

"Just Olivia? What about Ethan?" Mike questioned.

"Ethan is pretty self-sufficient. I have no doubt that my mom can take care of him by herself. Olivia though…she is a different story."

"Oh. I understand."

"Do you think you and Rachel could do it?" He asked.

"What weekend were you thinking about taking Rebecca away?"

"I was hoping maybe this weekend if it isn't too short of notice." He said, hoping that Mike would come through for him.

"This weekend?" Mike chuckled. "That's not a lot of notice."

"I know." He acknowledged. "But I want to surprise her and I want to try and make up for everything that has happened by letting her have some time to relax. She's been going 100 mph taking care of everything for weeks now and that's not good for her or the baby. I want to show her that I am serious about being there for her and the baby."

"Well I don't think Rachel and I have anything going on this weekend. So I think it should be fine."

"Really?" He couldn't help but smile.

"Yeah. Go ahead and plan it. We'll watch Olivia. Laura will actually be thrilled about it. She adores your niece."

"The feeling is mutual." Harvey laughed. "Olivia talks about Laura all the time."

Mike laughed. "Who would have thought when you hired me that we would end up arranging sleepovers for our families?"

"I never thought that would happen." He admitted.

"And I never thought that you would have a wife or a baby on the way." Mike admitted. "But I am so glad I was wrong."

"Thanks for your help, Mike. I appreciate it." He said, getting serious again. "Are you sure that Rachel won't mind you agreeing to babysit without asking?"

"She will be fine with it."

"Just remember that this is supposed to be a surprise. So please don't mention anything to Rebecca."

"Got it." Mike laughed. "I do understand the definition of the word surprise."

"Just double-checking since you aren't really a Harvard graduate." He teased.

"Ha ha." Mike scoffed. "Why do you always have to go there?"

"Because it's fun since I know it aggravates you." He explained. "Anyway, we'll talk later."

"Bye Harvey."

He put his phone down on the bed stand and grinned. He was glad he had thought of this little getaway and was sure she would love it.

* * *

Rebecca came into the bedroom after making sure Ethan was going to bed and then checking on Olivia. It had been a long day. She couldn't wait to get her pajamas on and climb into bed. She couldn't help but smile when she saw Harvey was already in bed, typing on his laptop.

"Hey." She smiled, going over and starting to change clothes.

"Hey yourself." He smiled back.

She felt his eyes on her as she changed clothes. After she was done changing she noticed he had put his laptop away. "Are you done with your work?"

"No, but I can easily finish it tomorrow." He assured her.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure." He nodded. "I would rather focus my attention on you."

She climbed into bed into his awaiting arms. "It has been such a long day."

"Yes, it has." He agreed.

"So you and Ethan…what really happened at the gym? He seems to have completely changed his opinion about you." She asked as she laid her head on his bare chest.

"We talked about some things that were way overdue." He explained. "And I apologized for being absent in his life. I think he has forgiven me and we are on good terms again."

"Yes, you are." She nodded. "He told me so tonight."

"Good."

"I'm proud of you, Harvey." She said, linking her fingers together with his.

"Why?" He scoffed. "I haven't done much except try to fix what I broke."

"But it takes a strong man to admit when he makes a mistake and then try to fix things." She told him. "You're trying to fix a lot of things right now. You're going to therapy with me. You're going to start your individual therapy sessions this week. You're trying to make things right with Ethan. And you've fixed your relationship with your mom. I know it can't be easy for you but I'm proud of you for making the attempt."

"I appreciate you saying that." He moved so he could kiss the top of her head. "I couldn't let this animosity with Ethan go on much longer. And you know I would do anything for you."

"Are you nervous about therapy by yourself?"

"A little." He admitted. "But maybe it is time I get everything out and work through it."

"Like I said, I'm proud of you." She propped herself up so she could look him in the eyes.

He leaned in and kissed her. "How was baking cookies with Olivia? When we got home you seemed a little off somehow."

She sighed and went back to putting her head on his chest. "She just asked a question that threw me for a loop."

"What was the question?"

"She wanted to know if this baby was going to be her brother or sister."

"Oh." He chuckled. "What did you end up telling her?"

"I told her that it would be her cousin but she could refer to it as her brother or sister since they will be raised together by us." She explained. "I didn't really know what else to say. Was that alright?"

"I think it is fine." He told her.

"Good." She breathed a sigh of relief. For whatever reason, she thought maybe Harvey would be upset with her explanation. She was glad to be wrong. "There is something else we need to talk about."

"That sounds serious. What's wrong?"

"Nothing's really wrong…it's just something that we need to work on. I had a talk with your mom tonight. I guess I never really realized just how scared she is about the treatment and what will happen if it doesn't work." She explained, watching his face as he realized where she was going with this.

"I see." He nodded.

"She hasn't wanted to bother us about it, but we really need to be doing a better job of checking in with her and making sure she is ok. I feel absolutely terrible that I've dropped the ball on this…"

"Hey." He interrupted her. "You haven't dropped the ball. You've been over-extending yourself for weeks."

"I know but I should have seen it…"

"You are not perfect." He interrupted her again. "You are only human and some things are bound to fall through the cracks at times. But it is ok. If anything, I should have been around to catch what might fall through the cracks. So if anything, this is more my fault than yours."

"It's sweet you want to take the blame for it." She couldn't help but smile. "But honestly, I still feel like it is my mistake."

"It's both of our faults. I haven't been checking in with her about the treatments as much as I should either. But we can fix that now." He promised her.

"Thank you." She leaned in and kissed him. "I love you."

"I love you too." He told her. "Now let's get some sleep."

She curled up against him and was thrilled to have his arms wrapped around her protectively. She closed her eyes and almost immediately went to sleep.


	9. Chapter 8

Culpability

Chapter Eight

"I have my first solo session with Stan this afternoon." Harvey mentioned as he and Rebecca were getting dressed the next morning.

"Are you nervous?" She asked, looking over at him.

He watched as she put on her blouse. "A little. But I'm sure it will be fine."

"It will." She smiled.

"And I also plan on talking to my mom tonight to make sure she knows she can start relying on me as well."

"Thank you. Maybe if we both let her know that, she will be more likely to lean on us."

"That's the hope I have as well." He told her as he finished buttoning his shirt. "Louis comes back today." He pointed out a few minutes later. "I bet you are happy about that. You can stop working his cases now."

"Yeah, I guess so." She said as she zipped up her skirt.

He put the finishing touches on his tie and stopped to look at her. "That didn't seem very enthusiastic."

She turned to look at him. "I just liked being busy at work again."

He sighed softly. "This is still about me taking your clients?"

"Look, I get why you did it." She shrugged. "I just don't agree with it or like it very much."

"Do you want them all back?" He asked, going over and wrapping his arms around her waist. "Because a couple of your clients are real pains in the ass and I wouldn't mind getting rid of them."

She smiled and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Let me guess…Jenkins and The Mowry Group?"

"Bingo." He smirked. "How can you stand them? They are douchebags who don't want to listen to anything I say."

"Easy." She winked. "I'm a woman. So I just wear slightly more low-cut tops when I have a meeting with them. They end up staring at my cleavage and agree with anything I tell them."

"You saucy minx." He laughed. "Now I'm not sure I want you to have those two clients back."

"Oh come on now." She lightly tapped his shoulder. "You're telling me you have never once flirted with a female client to get what you wanted or make the meeting go by easier?"

"Well…" She had a point there. "I have done that in the past. But I haven't done that since we got together."

"Oh."

She looked surprised by that, like he had caught her off-guard and moved back from him a couple of steps. To be honest, he thought it would be disrespectful to her if he flirted with his clients, even if it was just to make the case go smoother or get what he wanted from them.

"I'm so sorry." She apologized. "I shouldn't be doing that anymore either."

"It's ok."

"No, it isn't." She insisted. "I won't do that anymore. I don't know why but until right now I never really realized that it isn't fair to you at all. Will you forgive me?"

"Like I said, it's ok." He assured her, giving her a kiss. He hoped the kiss would alleviate her fear that he was mad because he really wasn't. He pulled away so he could look at her face. "You know you never answered me though. Do you want your clients back?"

"I've thought about it a lot and I still don't like how you went about stealing them. I know why you did it and I understand your rationale for trying to look out for me. But I don't appreciate being left out of the decision making process and not getting a chance to say my opinion. I think you went about it the wrong way." She explained. "With that being said, I think taking most of my clients was a very gallant thing to do in some ways. Still, I'm so bored."

"What about your new client, Gold Star Financial?" He chuckled.

"Ugh. Don't remind me." She groaned. "They call or email me at least ten times a day with questions. But that's nothing I can't handle. My point is, maybe I don't need all of my clients back yet. But I would appreciate some more of them back."

"Ooh. A compromise. I like it." He smiled. "And I think Stan would be proud of us for communicating what we want like adults."

"I agree. We may have started out extremely rocky, but I think we are rocking at this therapy thing now." She smiled back. "So is it a deal? You'll give me back some more clients?"

"Of course." He nodded.

"Thank you." She leaned in to kiss him. "And if I ever get pregnant again after we have this little one, I want you to promise you aren't going to do it that way again. We'll discuss my workload together like mature adults."

"Of course." He promised.

"Wonderful." She smiled, giving him one last kiss. "Now can you please go make sure the kids are ready for school while I finish packing their lunches?"

"As you wish." He watched her walked out of the room before grabbing his suit jacket and going to check on his niece and nephew.

* * *

Rebecca opened up the two lunch boxes on the counter. She placed a water bottle in each one before looking up and seeing Ethan standing in the doorway of the kitchen. "Hey."

"Hey." Ethan came in and sat on a stool next to the counter.

"What's wrong?" She asked as she put the sandwiches into the lunch boxes.

"I have a quiz in science class today and I'm worried about it." He answered.

"Did you study?" She asked.

"Of course." He nodded. "I studied for two hours last night."

"Alright." She gave him a smile. "Then relax and just do your best."

"What if I fail the quiz?"

"If you fail, then as long as you have tried and done your best, everything will be ok. Worst case scenario is we get you a tutor for a few weeks to catch you up." She explained.

"I don't want a tutor though." He pouted. "If anyone at school found out I had to get a tutor, my life would be over."

She had to keep herself from laughing at amount of pre-teen angst pouring off of Ethan in waves right now. But if she laughed it would just set him off and she didn't want to do that. "We could always get you a tutor from another school if we have to go that route."

"That would be better, but I'm going to try and prove that I don't need a tutor at all." Ethan sighed.

She zipped up his lunch box and handed it to him. "It's going to be ok. Like I said, just try to relax and do your best."

"Thanks." He gave her a small smile as he took his lunch box and left the kitchen.

She was zipping up Olivia's lunch box when she came barreling into the room. "Well good morning to you!"

"Hi Aunt Becca!" Olivia smiled.

"You are certainly in good mood today!"

"It's Monday! I get to see my friends again! Why wouldn't I be in a great mood?" Olivia laughed.

"So true." She laughed. "I don't know what I was thinking." She handed Olivia her lunch box. "I hope you have a great day."

"Thanks!" Olivia grabbed the lunch box and scurried out of the kitchen, almost knocking Harvey over. "Bye Uncle Harvey!"

"Bye." He laughed as he came in.

"Is your mom still walking them to school?" She asked.

"Yes. They are leaving right now. Olivia getting her lunch was the last thing they were waiting on before going."

"Good." She smiled.

"Yes." He smirked, walking over to her and effectively trapping her against the counter. "Very good."

"Harvey…" She chuckled.

"What?" He asked innocently as he started to kiss her neck. "We have the whole place to ourselves. That doesn't happen often enough."

She closed her eyes and moaned softly. The combination of him kissing her neck while also letting his hands roam her body mixed with the pregnancy hormones was making it hard for her to say no to him.

"You know I have that meeting with Louis this morning." She managed to say.

"You can be late for that." He assured her. "You know he won't mind. Once you tell him you are pregnant he will be so focused on it that he will forgive you being late."

She laughed because she knew he was right.

"C'mon." He stopped kissing her neck and looked her in the eyes. "Unless you don't want to…"

She stopped him by bringing his lips in to meet hers. "Oh, I definitely want to."

"Then what are we waiting for?" He smirked.

"You're a bad influence." She giggled.

"Yeah, but you love it."

"Yeah, I do." She agreed.

* * *

"Don't worry." He told Rebecca in the elevator forty five minutes later.

"How can you tell I'm worried?" She chuckled.

"You're doing that thing where you slowly sway back and forth in the elevator. You only do that when you are worried." He explained.

"Yeah, I guess I do." She said after a moment of thinking. "I didn't even realize that. How did you…"

"I know you." He smirked.

"Yes, you do." She linked her arm with him.

"You're still worried Louis will be mad that you are late?"

"Yeah." She nodded.

"I'm telling you. Play the pregnancy card. It will make him forget that you are twenty minutes late." He laughed.

"I'll keep that in mind." She laughed as the doors opened. They walked out and headed towards their offices.

Once they were close to their offices, he leaned in and kissed her. "I'll see you later."

She just smiled as she went off to her office.

* * *

"Hey, there's the newlywed!" Rebecca greeted a few minutes later, walking into Louis' office. "I am so sorry I am late."

"I was starting to get worried." Louis told her. "You're never late for meetings."

"I know. I'm sorry." She shook her head.

"Is everything alright?"

"Yeah." She nodded. "Everything is fine."

"No, there is something you aren't telling me."

She saw him looking at her intently, his brow furrowing.

"Why don't you tell me about your honeymoon?" She asked, trying to distract him.

"It was great. Shelia and I had a wonderful time. It was nice to relax and just enjoy each other's company." He explained. "Now spill it. What's going on? You're looking cagey."

"Cagey?" She laughed.

"Yeah, cagey…secretive…wily. Take your pick of the words because they all mean the same types of things."

"Alright. There is something going on." She confessed. "It came out at your wedding but I didn't want to steal your thunder so I made everyone keep it a secret until you came back. But the thing is…I'm actually pregnant."

She watched as Louis' face froze. She wasn't sure if it was a good sign or a bad sign, especially since he was being extremely quiet. This was Louis. He got excited over every little thing. Her being pregnant wasn't a little thing though. She wasn't sure what she expected, but she thought that he would have some kind of reaction. This non-reaction was starting to worry her.

"Louis?" She called out. "Did you hear me?"

"Oh I heard you all right." He said, still not moving. "I'm just…surprised. That's all. And to be honest, I'm trying to figure out if this is a good thing or a bad thing."

"Why would it be a bad thing?"

"You and Harvey…" He trailed off. "You can't deny that there has been significant tension between the two of you lately…"

"That's true." She acknowledged. "But this pregnancy is a good thing. Harvey and I are actually doing better now."

"Really?" He questioned.

"Yeah." She nodded. "We are in a much better place with our relationship now."

"Well that's great then. What a difference two weeks can make. I hope you know my hesitation to be happy is just because I'm trying to look out for you."

"I know." She nodded. "You're a good friend, Louis."

"So how far along are you?"

She could see him staring at her midsection, as if he was able to tell just by looking at her. It was slightly off-putting, but that was Louis for you. He was good at unintentionally being intense.

"I'm just past the first trimester." She answered.

"This is great news!" He smiled. "Have you been taking care of yourself enough? Eating tons of extra fruit and vegetables? Would you like me to start making you a prunie every morning when I make mine?"

She smiled and shook her head. "I appreciate the offer but I don't think I need to start drinking prunies right now. I'm making sure my diet is healthy."

"Ok. But if you change your mind I would be happy to make you one." He assured her.

"I will keep that in mind." She knew she had to get the conversation off of her diet before he mentioned prunies again. "I have the files with everything that happened with your clients while you were gone if you would like to go through them and catch up."

"Oh yeah. That would be nice." He took the file from her. "Thanks again for covering these past two weeks."

"It was no problem." She shrugged it off.

"I still can't get over it." Louis said softly. "Harvey as a dad to a baby. This is going to be fun to watch."


	10. Chapter 9

Culpability

Chapter Nine

"Harvey, welcome." Stan said as he motioned towards the couch. "Let me say how thrilled I am you have agreed to come by yourself."

"I'm not sure I'm thrilled. Being here alone is even more nerve-wrecking than being here with Rebecca." He couldn't help but chuckle as he sat down in his usual spot on the couch. Even though Rebecca wasn't there, he couldn't sit in her seat.

"I won't lie to you." Stan replied. "This won't be easy and it won't be fun. But I believe you can do this. You can work through your issues and come out stronger. All I need from you is your commitment to try."

"You have that." He assured Stan. "I want to do this for Rebecca. I need to do this for Rebecca and my family. But I also need to do this for me."

"Wonderful." Stan smiled. "Where shall we start?"

"How do I stop fearing that Rebecca will leave me?"

"To answer that, we need to examine the root of your fear. Only once we figure out where this fear comes from can we figure out how to conquer it." Stan explained.

"How do we figure out the root cause?"

"When was the first time you became fearful of losing someone you love?" Stan asked.

"The first time?" Harvey repeated as he thought about it.

"Yes." Stan nodded. "Was the first person you were afraid to lose Rebecca or did it happen before her?"

He thought about it for a few minutes until the answer came to him. "My father. It first happened with my father."

"Ok." Stan wrote that down in his notebook. "What was the circumstance surrounding that fear?"

"My mother…she…I caught her cheating on my dad when I was kid. She practically begged me not to tell him because it would only hurt him. And I stupidly agreed. I kept it from him for years until I caught my mom cheating on him again. Then I told my father about the cheating and that was the first time I feared losing someone I love."

"Why did you fear you would lose your father?" Stan asked. "All you were doing was telling him the truth."

"I guess in the back of my mind I thought either he wouldn't believe me about it or he would blame me for not telling him sooner. I thought he would hate me and kick me out of his life." He explained.

"And did that happen?"

"No." He shook his head. "I don't think he was ever happy I told him. But our relationship was fine afterwards."

"What about your relationship with your mother?"

"I only spoke to her once in almost twenty years, and that was at my father's funeral." He explained.

"Did you fear losing your mother?" Stan asked.

"No." He replied softly. "In fact, at the time I was so angry with her that I pushed her away."

"I see." Stan wrote in his notebook again.

"What do you mean, you see?"

"Your issues stem from the incident with your mother. Is it also safe to assume that you have issues with trust and commitment?"

"Yes." He reluctantly agreed. "I did, but not anymore. I'm married and we are starting a family together. To me, there's no bigger commitment than that."

"No, I'll give you that." Stan told him. "But you don't trust Rebecca."

"That's not true." He argued.

"From what I can tell, you haven't trusted that she will stay with you. Instead you have believed that she will leave you, despite her assurances otherwise."

"I'm getting better about that. I just…" He trailed off, not knowing what else to say.

"I think we need to explore this incident with your mother more."

"I've already forgiven her for everything." He objected. "I don't think we need to talk about it."

"With all due respect, I think the incident has caused a ripple effect in your life and how you deal with those around you that you care about. Please humor me. Let's discuss what happened."

"Ok." He sighed. Stan was the professional so he would go along with it for now.

* * *

"Do you have a moment?" Harvey asked his mom later that night. He was standing in the doorway of her bedroom. Since the door was open, he had knocked on the door frame.

"Of course." Lily smiled at him. She put the book down she was reading and motioned for him to come sit down on the couch next to her. "What's going on?"

"I was hoping we could talk." He told her as he sat down.

"Sure. What's on your mind?"

"I'm worried about you." He told her.

She sighed. "You've been talking to Rebecca."

"I have." He nodded. "But I was also worried about you before that. Talking to her just increased my level of worry."

"I'm fine."

"Yeah, I'm not buying it." He chuckled. "Look, I know I've made things difficult around here. I've been incredibly selfish with everyone in this family and I'm sorry about that. But I'm trying to make things better. Your health and the seriousness of this situation hasn't escaped my mind though. I've been worried about you this whole time. But I should have been checking in with you more and I'm sorry about that."

"It's alright." She assured him.

"No, it really isn't." He objected. "If you aren't talking to Rebecca about what you're going through and you aren't talking to me…then who are you talking to?"

"I don't need to talk to anyone about it."

"That's bullshit. If the past couple of months and now therapy have taught me anything it's that we all need to talk about things."

"Look, I haven't wanted to add more issues or problems to anyone's plates right now. You both have enough to deal with." Lily explained.

"Mom, I love you. But stop playing the martyr."

She chuckled. "Excuse me?"

"You're martyring yourself." He explained. "And while it is rather sweet in a way for you to not want to bother us, that's what we are here for. That's what family does. We bother each other so that we can get through things. But you're off on your own dealing with this and that's not fair. I haven't been fair to you."

"You've been dealing with…"

"A lot of the same stuff you've been dealing with. Marcus was my brother but you were his mother. And God knows I haven't been a good son to you in decades. I need to fix that."

"Harvey…"

"I want you to promise me something." He interrupted her. "I want you to promise me that anything you need to talk, you will find me. I don't care if it is about Marcus, the treatment, how much you dislike Mondays…it can be about anything. I know I don't have a good track record, but I want to be there for you now. So please let me."

"Ok." She nodded. "I promise."


	11. Chapter 10

Culpability

Chapter Ten

"So Ethan, are you ready for your big math test today?" Rebecca asked as she sat down at the table with the rest of the family to eat breakfast.

"I think so." Ethan nodded.

"I'm sure you will do fine." She assured him.

"I've studied." Ethan sighed. "That's all I can really do."

"Olivia, your permission slip for the field trip is due today. It is in your folder. Right?"

"Yes." Olivia nodded. "It is."

"Good." She smiled, taking a sip of her orange juice and looking around the table at her family. It was still weird to think of this as her family but she did take a certain amount of pride from it. It didn't seem right that she and Harvey were now in charge of their niece and nephew but she was beyond glad that they were able to be here for them since they didn't have living parents anymore.

She caught his eye as he drank his coffee and watched as he winked at her. He was making an effort to be more open and be present with them instead of working all the time. She had to admit that it was nice to have her husband's attention again.

"So I have a little surprise for you." Harvey told her.

"Really?" She chuckled. "What is it?"

"We are going away for the weekend."

"But…" She started to protest.

"Before you tell me all the reasons why we can't, let me finish." He interrupted. "Rachel has agreed to help out by having Olivia stay with them this weekend."

"I get to have a sleepover with Laura!" Olivia exclaimed happily.

"Well that is certainly exciting." She told her niece.

"And I am staying here with grandma." Ethan told her.

She smiled at Ethan and then looked at Harvey. "Can I talk to you in the hallway for a moment?"

"Of course." He got up from the table and she followed him to the hallway.

"I love that you want to go away for the weekend and I love that you want to do something nice and surprise me with it. But I'm really not sure this is a good time."

"It's the perfect time though." He told her. "Rachel and Mike can take care of Olivia. You know how much Olivia and Laura love spending time together."

"They have had quite a few play dates the past few weeks." She laughed. Ever since she and Rachel got the girls together, they were inseparable. Despite the age difference between the two girls, they loved spending time together. It was nice because it gave her and Rachel an excuse to get together more often.

"And Ethan can stay here with my mom because he is able to take care of himself for the most part. She just has to chaperone him to make sure he doesn't do anything stupid like burn the place down and make sure he eats." He explained. "Knowing him, he will probably be in his room reading most of the weekend anyway."

"Have you cleared this with your mom? You know she has her treatment today."

"Of course I did." He assured her. "She is perfectly fine with it and said if you didn't go because of her she would feel terribly guilty."

She grinned. "Way to throw on the guilt there, Mr. Specter."

He put his arms around her expanding waist and pulled her closer to him. "Well I have to make my case and play to my strong suit, Mrs. Specter. What do you say? Come away with me this weekend. I promise it will be fun. It can be like a babymoon of sorts."

She laughed. "Did you really just use the term babymoon?"

"I did." He nodded.

"I thought you hated that term." She pointed out. "You made fun of Mike both times when he and Rachel went on theirs."

"I do hate the term." He chuckled. "But I love the thought of having you all to myself for a couple of days so I'll use whatever term will get the job done. Besides, I enjoy making fun of Mike whenever possible. I don't need a real reason to laugh at him."

She thought about it for a moment. "Where would we even go?"

"I have it all planned out. We're going back to the cabin we went to for your birthday."

"Really?" She grinned. She loved that place and it meant a lot to her that he would take her back there. Judging from how his smile grew after telling her about the location, she could tell he was proud of himself for choosing that place.

"Yes." He nodded.

"When would we leave?"

"We'd leave right after the kids go to school and we would be back late Sunday afternoon." He explained. "Does that mean you are saying yes?"

She leaned in and kissed him. "No. That means I am saying yes. I'd love to go away with you."

"Great." He kissed her forehead. "You stay here and pack while I walk the kids to school. We'll leave when I get back."

"Sounds good." She nodded, watching him go back into the kitchen.

* * *

Later that day, Harvey opened the door to the cabin. He let Rebecca go in first.

"I almost forgot how much I loved this place." She marveled, setting her purse down.

"Well I didn't forget." He told her. "That's why when I thought about where we could go, this was the only option I considered."

"I'm surprised this place wasn't booked already and you were able to get it on such short notice." She walked over to him and wrapped her arms around him. "Thank you for bringing me here."

He leaned down and kissed her. "You're very welcome."

"I must say though, I feel guilty about leaving the kids."

"Don't." He shook his head. "How many times have you babysat for Rachel and Mike over the years?"

"Too many to count." She laughed.

"So they are just repaying the favor. And my mom is perfectly fine with watching Ethan. It's Olivia who exhausts her." He chuckled.

"Well to be fair, Olivia can exhaust anyone." She pointed out. "I don't understand how that girl always has so much energy."

"It's a mystery, for sure." He smiled. "But everyone is fine with this."

"So basically what you are trying to tell me is that I should stop worrying about them?"

"It would be nice if you could let it go for a while and relax." He pointed out. "But I know that will be hard for you because you've really taken to this new mom role."

While he was still trying to adjust to his new role of raising Ethan and Olivia, Rebecca took to it like a fish to water. She was amazing with them and he was incredibly proud of her.

"I will try my best to stop worrying." She promised.

"And I will try my best to distract you so you can't worry." He promised.

"Deal." She leaned in for another kiss. "Now what is for lunch?"

He grinned. "You and your food."

"What can I say? The baby is hungry." She fake pouted.

"C'mon." He grabbed her hand. "I had the fridge fully stocked with the stuff I know you have been craving lately. Let's go see what we can find."

"God, I love you." She chuckled as they went to the kitchen.

"The feeling is more than mutual." He assured her.

* * *

After lunch, they both settled on the couch. Harvey was slouched down and had his feet up on the coffee table while she was laying on her side across the couch with her head in his lap. He was occasionally running his fingers through her hair and she was loving every minute of it.

"It is so nice to just be able to relax with you." She commented. "No phones, no work, no drama or stress…just you and me."

"I agree. It feels like we haven't gotten a break like this for a long time."

"It's just been one thing after another. If it isn't work, then it's family or friends."

"And therapy." He pointed out.

"And therapy." She repeated. Thinking about therapy made her remember her first solo session with Stan several weeks ago.

" _Hello there." Stan greeted with a smile as he opened the door for her. "Please, come in. You must be Rebecca."_

" _Yes. I am." She nodded, giving him a small smile. She still wasn't completely sold that coming here was a good idea, but it seemed like her only option right now. Louis always spoke of Stan like he was some kind of superhero, able to help sort out any problem or complex known to man. She heard Louis compliment Stan at least twice a week, if not more. So when she realized that things in her life were getting out of control and she didn't know how to deal with all of the stress, her only idea was to come see if Stan could help her._

 _Now though…standing in Stan's office, she felt extremely nervous and second-guessed this decision._

" _Please. Have a seat." Stan motioned towards the couch._

 _She walked over and sat on the side of the couch, crossing her legs and placing her hands in her lap._

" _So, what brings you here today?" Stan asked, opening up a notebook and picking up his pen._

" _I'm not sure where to begin." She answered honestly._

" _Well take your time." He advised. "Sometimes the best place to start is the thing that is bothering you the most."_

" _The most?" She laughed. "Everything seems to be bothering me about the same amount these days. But I guess it starts several months ago. My sister in law was murdered. Then shortly after that her husband relapsed on his gambling and alcohol addictions. He drove drunk with his daughter in the car and crashed the car, causing our niece to end up with a broken arm. He went to rehab but a couple of weeks before he was to be released he killed himself."_

" _I'm sorry." Stan said. "That is a lot to process."_

" _There's more though. My mother in law has cancer that could easily kill her within a few months to a year. So I got her into a medical trial to keep her alive. But since she is sick she couldn't take care of our niece and nephew. So my husband and I moved the kids here from Boston, where they lived, so we can take care of them as well as my mother in law while she goes through her treatments."_

" _So much change." Stan stated._

" _And I'm still not done." She chuckled nervously. "I'm pregnant. I'm trying to get everything for the move settled and trying to get everyone taken care of. All the while, things with my husband have deteriorated to the point where I'm not sure our marriage is even going to survive. Basically my life is a mess. I'm completely stressed out and overwhelmed and I don't know what to do anymore. All I know is that keeping it bottled up inside isn't good for me or my baby. I just didn't have anyone else to talk to about this so that's why I'm here."_

" _I can understand why you would feel overwhelmed. It is a lot of change in a short amount of time. And you are right. Holding your emotions inside isn't good for you or your baby. Congratulations by the way. Bringing a new life into the world is a special thing."_

" _Thanks."_

" _You have come to the right place." Stan assured her. "I am more than happy to listen to the thoughts you have bottled up inside and help you make sense of things. Do you have a preference on where we start?"_

" _Well…" She trailed off. "You said sometimes the best place to start is with the thing bothering me the most. If we are adhering to that, then we need to talk about how I think my marriage might be over because my husband doesn't seem to want to have anything to do with me anymore."_

" _Alright." Stan nodded. "Let's talk about the reasons you believe that to be true."_

The first session was painful and emotional, but it was one of the best things she did. She needed to have that safe space where she could say anything without fearing that she would offend or anger the people she loved.

"What do you want to do this afternoon?"

When she didn't get a response, she turned so she could look up at him. A smile played on her face when she saw that he had fallen asleep. A nap sounded good to her too so she got comfortable and closed her eyes. It didn't take long for her to fall asleep either.


	12. Chapter 11

Culpability

Chapter Eleven

Harvey went around the kitchen trying to get dinner ready. After they both took their impromptu nap, they went for a walk around the cabin's property. Now Rebecca was in the other room, calling both Lily and Rachel to see how things were going so far with the kids.

He had decided on steaks since that was a fairly easy dinner and he knew he couldn't screw it up. Plus he remembered hearing her say something about steak earlier this week. Dinner was almost ready and he hoped she got off the phone soon.

He understood her desire to check on everyone. It seemed like second nature for her to feel like she needed to constantly check in on how people were feeling and how they were doing. It was one of the things he loved about her and it was one of the things that was going to make her be an amazing mom.

Actually she was already an amazing mom. Ethan and Olivia were adjusting surprisingly well to moving to New York City. A new town, new school, new friends, new house…none of it seemed to rattle them too much. Sure Ethan had some issues at the beginning, but everything has started to settle down.

He knew he wasn't the reason for that. He was at the office for the majority of the time after they first moved because he was trying to distance himself from everyone. It was all Rebecca. She was the glue that was holding everything and everyone together.

She handled the kids. She handled his mom. She handled the house and all of the things that came with that. She handled her pregnancy. And she handled her job. He wasn't sure how she did it, especially at first when she didn't have him to help her.

The only conclusion he could come up with was that she was a superwoman.

He had to admit that he wasn't always the best client in their joint therapy sessions. It took him a while to get to the point where he was open to it. To be honest at first he didn't want to be there. He only went because he felt he owed it to her to try so they could attempt to fix their issues. But once he was open to what Stan had to say and offer their relationship, their sessions went better and their issues started to get resolved. The issues weren't completely resolved, but things were definitely much better between them. He felt like their relationship was back on solid ground again. Actually, if he wanted to be completely honest, their relationship was better than ever before. Maybe they should have gone to therapy sooner.

"So everyone seems to be doing fine." Rebecca announced as she entered the kitchen.

"I figured they would be." He smiled.

She came over and wrapped her arms around his waist. "I know. But I still wanted to check in on them. Thank you for being patient while I called."

"Of course." He leaned in and kissed her. "Besides, it gave me time to get dinner done."

"It smells amazing." She smiled.

"Go sit and I'll bring everything out."

"Can I help take anything out?" She asked.

"No." He shook his head. "I've got everything under control."

"Ok."

She let go of him and he watched her walk out to the dining room before getting the food together. It took him two trips but he got the food to the dining room himself. He would have had her help but he wanted to let her relax as much as possible. She deserved it.

"How is it?" He asked a few minutes after he sat down. He noticed that she wasn't saying anything about the food.

"It's delicious." She smiled in between bites.

"Good. I was worried when you weren't talking." He chuckled.

"I'm just starving." She explained. "And I don't know how you read my mind about steak, but I've been wanting one for two days now."

He grinned. "I'm just that good."

"Yeah, you are." She grinned back.

"So you said everyone back home is doing well?"

"Yeah. Ethan got an A on his math test."

"That's great!" He was glad because he knew Ethan had studied a lot for it the night before. Ever since he took Ethan to the gym last weekend they were getting along better. There was still some residual distance between them and he realized that he would probably never have the super-close relationship with his nephew that Rebecca seemed to share with him. But just being able to not be on the receiving end of the silent treatment was enough for now.

"And Olivia is apparently teaching Laura all sorts of new games." She smiled. "Rachel says it is so cute to watch."

"It proves she will be good around the baby." He speculated.

"I agree." She nodded.

"Speaking of…" He trailed off for a moment. "We have an ultrasound coming up in a few weeks."

"Yes we do." She nodded.

"I think it is the one where we could find out the gender."

"Yes." She nodded. "It is. You are right about that."

"Do you want to find out the gender now or wait until the baby is born?" He wanted to know the gender. It wasn't that he had a preference one way or the other. He would be happy with a girl or a boy. But he was impatient and wanted to know now instead of finding out in the delivery room.

"I'm still not sure I want to know." She explained. "I think it would be fun to be surprised."

"Oh." He sighed. "I was hoping we could find out the gender."

"Really?" She questioned. "Why?"

"Well yeah." He nodded. "I think it would nice to know now and prepare. We could get the nursery together and have everything ready."

"Yeah. She nodded. "But I was thinking maybe it would be nice to be surprised. You know we haven't had many good surprises lately."

"No." He nodded. "You're right about that. It seems like the majority of the surprises we get are negative."

"Which is why I think it would be nice to have the gender be a surprise. It would be a rare good surprise." She explained.

He thought about it and looked at her face closely. She looked like she really thought this was a good idea. He decided to go with it. "Ok. We won't find out the gender."

She smiled. "Really?"

"Really." He nodded.

"You're truly ok with that?"

He decided to be honest with her. "I would prefer to find out, but if not finding out will put a smile on your face then we won't find out."

"Thank you." She reached across the table and grabbed his hand.

"You're welcome." He smiled. "But next time, can we find out the gender?"

"Next time?" She chuckled. "You want a next time?"

"Yeah." He nodded. "Why?"

"It's nothing." She shrugged. "I just wasn't expecting you to want more kids. It caught me off guard for a moment."

"Don't you want more kids?" He asked. "I thought you wanted at least two."

"I did." She nodded. "I mean, I still do. I just…with getting Ethan and Olivia…I thought maybe you wouldn't want any more kids after this one."

"I can see how you would think that." He conceded. "But there is something incredibly magical about looking at you and knowing that you are carrying a baby that we both helped to create."

"You're getting to be very sappy lately." She cautioned. "You better not let Mike hear you say stuff like that or you will never live it down."

"Don't worry." He winked. "I'll save all of my sappy talk for you."

"I'm honored." She grinned.

"But I'm serious." He explained. "I want as many kids as we can handle."

"What changed your mind?" She asked. "A short time ago you weren't even sure you wanted kids at all. Now it sounds like you want us to be like one of those families on those reality shows who have twenty kids."

"It's a combination of things. Taking in Ethan and Olivia has changed my mind. Seeing you pregnant and knowing that the baby inside you is half you and half me…that we created it together out of our love…it's magical to me."

She looked at him like he had grown a second head.

"What?" He questioned with a nervous chuckle.

"Nothing." She smiled. "I'm just not used to you being so open with your thoughts and feelings like this. Don't get me wrong. It's nice and I'm enjoying it. I just think if this is going to be the way you are all the time I might need a moment to get used to it."

"Well what can I say?" He grinned. "I think I'm finally starting to learn that I can be vulnerable with you. I should be vulnerable with you because you're my wife and I love you more than anything in this world. If there is anyone I should be vulnerable with, it is you. I should be telling you everything and holding nothing back."

"Seriously?" She asked in a soft voice.

"Yeah, seriously." He nodded. He watched as her face started to crumple. She was biting her lip and soon tears started to pour down her cheeks.

"Hey…" He said softly, getting out of his seat and standing next to her chair. He put his hand on her shoulder. "What's wrong? What did I say that was wrong? I didn't mean to make you cry. That was the last thing I wanted to do."

He watched her get up out of the chair and wrap her arms around his neck.

"You didn't say or do anything wrong." She said as she put her head on his right shoulder. "I've just been waiting so long for you to say that…for us to get to this point."

He gently pulled away so he could use his hands to dry the tears on her face. "I know I haven't always been the kind of man you deserve…"

"Harvey…"

"No." He interrupted. "Let me say this. The last thing in the world I want is to lose you. But a lot of my actions or rather my inactions have made it difficult for you to trust in me the way you should be able to and I'm sorry. You deserve better and I'm going to be better from now on."

"Harvey, you don't have to completely change yourself for me." She told him. "I…"

"I want to. Besides, I won't completely change everything." He smirked. "I'll just change the parts of me that annoy you the most."

She started to smirk. "I love you…so damn much."

"I love you too."


	13. Chapter 12

Culpability

Chapter Twelve

Rebecca woke up and rolled over in bed, only to find that the other side was empty. She frowned because she had expected Harvey to still be sleeping next to her. She sighed, stretching her legs and then her arms. She was about to get out of bed to find him when the door opened. Harvey appeared in the doorway holding a tray. She smiled. "So that's where you went this morning."

"Of course." He grinned. "I figured you deserved breakfast in bed."

"Just as long as it isn't in our bed, right?" She laughed, referencing his belief that they shouldn't eat or drink in their bed back home.

"Exactly." He came over to the bed and gently sat it down for her before leaning in for a kiss. "Good morning." He whispered once they parted.

"Good morning." She smiled.

"How did you sleep?" He asked, putting his hand on her stomach.

"Your kid really knows how to keep me awake at night." She sighed. "Between the intermittent kicking and the heartburn, it's a battle."

"She probably just wants us to know she is there." He reasoned.

"Like I could ever forget?" She chuckled. "And you really think it will be a girl?"

"Well yeah and I have a 50/50 chance of being right." He laughed.

"True." She smiled, picking up her fork and starting to eat some of the scrambled eggs. "Do you want to have a girl?"

"I just want a healthy baby." He explained. "But I think it would be fun to have a little girl who is exactly like you."

"Even though at some point she would grow up and date guys like you?" She laughed, watching his face pale.

"Maybe we should try to have a boy."

She laughed. "I don't think that's possible."

"Yeah. Well if we have a girl, she just won't be able to date until she's thirty."

"Good luck trying to enforce that rule." She laughed harder.

He moved to the other side of the bed and laid down next to her. "So what do you want to do today?"

"I don't know." She replied honestly. "What did you want to do?"

"Well it is very tempting to try and keep you here in bed with me all day." He moved some hair out of her face, tucking it behind her ear. "But there is a big mall not too far away from here. I thought maybe we could go there and look around. We haven't started buying anything for the baby yet and the other day at lunch Mike was telling me about all of the stuff babies need. Apparently although they are tiny, they need a shit ton of stuff. I still don't know what all of the stuff is or what it does."

She looked at him like he had lost his mind. "Really? You want to go shopping? With me? Are you delusional with a fever? You hate going shopping with me."

"I don't necessarily hate it." He grinned.

She laughed. "Last time you went with me you said, and I quote…'this is the last time I am going shopping with you because I hate it.'"

"Well I didn't really mean it." He laughed. "I just was frustrated because you were trying on dozens of outfits."

"That's what women do when they are shopping for clothes though. We try on outfits because we have to make sure it looks alright and fits properly." She pointed out.

"Fair enough." He nodded. "But this shopping is different because it is for our kid. You can't try things on this time." He placed his hand back on her stomach.

"Ok." She nodded. "Actually I think it is rather sweet that you want to go shopping for the baby."

"I know I didn't act like I cared that much about this pregnancy before. I know you were doubting if I was happy about it or not. But I want you to know that I am absolutely thrilled that you are having my child. And I want to make up for the fact that I made it so easy for you to doubt me before."

"Harvey, you don't have to do anything to make up for it." She leaned over and gave him a quick kiss. "It's in the past and it's ok. I know how excited you are about this baby."

He was always putting his hand on her stomach to see if he could feel the baby move yet. Although she wasn't far enough along yet to feel anything, that didn't stop him from trying. He read an article online saying that it was important to talk around them so they could get used to your voice while still in the womb. So he was talking to her stomach at least a couple of times a day. He even circled the date of her next ultrasound on his calendar with a red marker.

So she knew he was happy about this baby.

"Still…" He trailed off. "There is a mall not too far from here. We could at least check it out."

"Sounds good." She nodded before moving the tray and putting it on the floor.

"You didn't like your breakfast?" He questioned.

"I ate about half of it and it was delicious." She said, smiling at him. "But I am actually hungry for something else right now."

He grinned. "I knew I should have gone with French toast instead of pancakes."

She chuckled softly before moving to straddle him. "It isn't about food."

"Well I am always happy to fulfill any and all appetites you may have."

"Good." She grinned and let her hands explore his bare chest. "Because while I think going shopping is a good idea, I also liked your idea of keeping me in bed with you all day. So I think in the interest of healthy compromise, we should do both. We can stay in bed until lunchtime and then go shopping."

He let his hands slip underneath the Harvard shirt she wore to bed. "I think that is a brilliant idea and Stan would be proud of us for compromising."

"Hmm…" She threw her head back as he gently massaged her breasts. "Let's leave Stan out of this right now. But yes, I think he would be pleased. Now let's work on pleasing each other."

"Your wish is my command." He told her.

* * *

"I still think we bought way too much." She laughed as they entered the cabin after spending the afternoon at the mall. They decided to leave all of the bags in the car instead of dragging them inside and then having to put them back in the car when they left.

"I don't." He laughed. "And even if we did, so what?"

She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." He grinned. "But what exactly are you thanking me for?"

"This trip…the shopping…going to therapy…just everything." She whispered, biting her lip.

He could see the serious look on her face and knew what she meant with that one word. "Hey…" He wrapped his arms around her and brought her closer for a hug. "Everything's ok between us now."

"I know."

"We're not going to let what happened before happen again." He promised her. "I won't let it."

"I won't either." She pulled back and gave him a small smile. "I just, I know you weren't happy about going to see Stan…"

"You were right though." He interrupted. "Seeing Stan is exactly what we needed. And I think that once we get to a certain point, we should continue to see him but cut down how much. I don't think we will always need to see him twice a week, or even once a week. But I think we should eventually get it to a point where we see him maybe once a month just to do routine maintenance."

"Like an oil change?" She chuckled.

"Something like that." He nodded.

"Ok." She agreed. "I think that is a great idea."

"Good." He smiled. "Speaking of great ideas…I had an idea for dinner tonight."

"Really?" She asked. "Ok. What is this great idea?"

"How about we order pizza?" He suggested. "And while we wait for it to be delivered you go soak in a nice bubble bath?"

"I think that is also a great idea."

"Wonderful." He leaned in and gave her a kiss.

* * *

Rebecca sat in the tub, surrounded by bubbles. She rested her head up against the back and closed her eyes. Between the activities they did earlier in bed and all the walking at the mall, she couldn't deny that she was tired and her muscles were sore. Somehow Hervey seemed to know exactly what she needed tonight before she did.

While this trip was amazing and she was loving every minute of it, in the back of her mind she couldn't help but think that less than two months ago she was starting to doubt if they would even be together when this baby was born.

If someone had told her that they would be happy again, she would have laughed in their face.

* * *

"I think this pizza is great." Harvey said as they ate the pizza on the couch in the living room. He looked over at Rebecca. After her bath she went ahead and got dressed in her pajamas. While her pajamas used to be just his old Harvard t-shirt, nowadays she added in a pair of shorts.

She had been quiet ever since her bath and he was getting worried that something was wrong.

"It is." She agreed, nodding her head as she reached for the box to take her third piece.

"Ok, what's wrong?" He blurted out without any preamble, causing her to look over at him.

"What do you mean?"

"You've been acting weird ever since you came down from your bath." He explained. "What's going on in that brain of yours?"

"Nothing." She shook her head.

"Rebecca…" He put his pizza down.

"Ok." She sighed. "I just…I guess I'm just happy. I'm really, incredibly happy right now. And not too long ago, I didn't think that would happen again. And in some ways I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop."

"What do you mean?"

"Every time we are happy, something comes along and slams us back down again."

"I would agree with that." He nodded. "It does seem like that happens a lot."

"So to answer your earlier question…nothing is wrong." She smiled. "In fact everything finally feels like it is right again. I don't know about you, but I'm the happiest I've ever been."

"I would agree with that too."

"You are very agreeable tonight." She chuckled.

"Of course I am."

"I'm just worried that something is going to happen to smack us back down again."

"It doesn't matter if something does come up." He assured her. "I promise, we will tackle our problems together from now on." He scooted closer to her and leaned in to kiss her. When they parted, he touched the side of her face. "Which reminds me, I actually have a present for you and I think now is a good time to give it to you."

"Really?" She smiled. "You didn't have to get me anything. Just bringing me here was enough."

"I know, but I think you're really going to like this." He nodded, getting up from the couch. He walked over to his jacket and pulled out an envelope before going back over and sitting next to her again.

"Hmm…" She took the envelope from him. "The last time we were here and you gave me an envelope it had my paperwork to be a name partner. What are you up to this time?"

"Open it and see." He smiled.

"Ok." She nodded, slowly opening the envelope and unfolding the papers. "Harvey…no…this is too much."

"It really isn't." He assured her. "I know how much you loved it here the last time."

"But to buy this place? Seriously?" She scoffed.

"It's real estate. It's a good investment." He pointed out. "And wouldn't it be nice to have this as a place we can come to anytime? We can either escape just the two of us or bring the whole family. We could start an annual summer vacation with the kids. Maybe we could even come up in the fall or winter too. You know Olivia would love to run around outside and I know Ethan would love to sit in the window seat on the second floor and read. I'm sure the new baby would love it here too once he or she gets bigger. We could even invite Rachel and Mike too because there are enough bedrooms for all of the kids."

"I'm not debating that it's a good investment because I'm sure you are right." She chuckled. "But this place must have cost a small fortune."

"It really didn't. I got a good deal because I was willing to close the deal quickly." He shook his head. "Besides, it's just money." He took a good look at her face. There was something there he couldn't recognize. "Are you mad I did this without talking to you first?"

"I'm not mad." She assured him. "I think this was an incredibly sweet gesture and I love the fact that you were trying to do something nice."

"Well something is wrong." He pointed out. "If you aren't mad, then what is it?"

"It's stupid." She shook her head.

"No." He argued. "Nothing you say or feel could ever be stupid. Tell me. Please?"

She sighed deeply. "I'm not sure how to say this without it coming out wrong. I love that you incorporated Ethan and Olivia into your plans with this place and how you thought about them as well as our baby. I love that you call us all a family. But…"

"Let me guess. You struggle with the reality of that?" He questioned.

"Yeah." She nodded her head slowly. "Don't get me wrong. I love them so much and I am so grateful that we are in a position where we can take them in and care for them. It would have killed me if they had to be raised by strangers. I just wish they still had their own parents around. I'm not trying to complain about having them around and taking care of them. I'm really not. It's just…it's a lot. It's a big adjustment."

"I understand." He nodded. "Well actually I don't understand the same way you do because you have been doing all of the heavy lifting with them. You have been absolutely amazing with Ethan and Olivia. The fact that they are adjusting so well to their new normal is a testament to you."

"You don't have to say that." She shook her head.

"I mean it." He assured her. "I am so proud of you for the way you have taken them in. They aren't your flesh and blood at all. Yet you treat them as if they were your own family."

"They are my family because they are your family." She shrugged. "And I love taking care of them. But sometimes I feel guilty."

"Why?" That was something he didn't expect her to say.

"There were so many things Katie wanted to do with the kids…so many plans she had for them. When we visited them, Katie and I would sit up and talk about what she hoped they would do in the future and all the things she wanted to teach them. It feels wrong that we had to uproot them from Boston and bring them up here. It feels wrong that they are stuck with us. And it feels wrong that we are now the ones making plans with them. We're the ones who are going to be doing the things she wanted to do with them. When you mentioned bringing them up here annually, it just made me feel bad and guilty."

He reached over and grabbed her hand. "I can understand you feeling guilty. I feel guilty about it sometimes too. But I don't think we need to feel guilty about this. We are doing for them what Katie and Marcus can no longer do. It's what they wanted."

"I know, but I feel like I am walking a tightrope sometimes." She admitted. "I'm acting like their mother while also trying my hardest not to make them feel like I am trying to replace Katie's place in their life. Sometimes it gets to be too much."

"Why haven't you said anything about this before?"

"I didn't want to bother you and I kind of hoped it would go away. I talked to Stan about it in therapy a few weeks ago, hoping it would at least get better. But it hasn't yet." She explained.

"Neither Olivia nor Ethan are going to think you are trying to replace their mother. But I can see where you might feel overwhelmed about it. You were thrown into a motherhood role rather suddenly."

"And I'm not trying to complain." She stressed. "I love being able to take care of them. I just…I worry too much sometimes."

"I think everything is going to get easier. We just have to give it more time."

"You really think so?"

"I know so." He grinned.

"I love you."

"I love you too." He kissed her forehead.

She smiled at him. "And I do really love that you bought this place."

"I was hoping you would." He watched as a devious grin formed on her face. Before he knew it, she was pushing him down. She had him pinned on the couch.

"Let me show you just how much I love your gift." She said as she started unbuckling his belt.


	14. Chapter 13

Culpability

Chapter Thirteen

Rebecca looked out her office and saw Charles standing near Donna's empty desk. After a moment he turned around and came to stand in her doorway.

"Hey!" She greeted with a smile.

"Hey. Do you know where Donna is?"

"Oh yeah." She nodded. "She should be back in a moment. She was hoping to get something copied before you got here to take her to lunch."

"That's ok. I got here a few minutes early." He nodded. "I actually need to talk to you for a moment anyway—if you have the time."

"Of course. Come in." She motioned for him to sit down and became slightly worried when he closed the door behind him. "What's up?"

"The strangest thing happened."

He looked nervous, which was unlike him. Usually he was calm and collected. "Is something wrong?"

"I honestly don't know." He sighed. "Last Friday, I went to lunch with an old buddy of mine who has been working at the Department of Justice. We got talking about things and I found out something I think you need to know. Remember when I was asking around to see if any government agencies were watching you because of the guys who were hanging around outside?"

"Yes." She nodded. Thankfully Harvey was able to pay off the bookie so nothing really bad happened.

"He remembered me asking about that and brought up something you need to know."

"Ok." She shifted nervously in her chair. "What's going on? You're starting to worry me."

"Did you recently take on a new client?"

"Yes." She nodded. "Gold Star Financial."

"Well apparently they are under investigation through the DOJ." He explained.

"For what?" She groaned.

"That I don't know. I'm sorry but he wasn't able to tell me any significant details." He apologized. "I just got the impression that they are bad news and whatever is going on with them is serious. Now that you are their lawyer, the DOJ has you in their sights as well. They are looking into you."

"Me?" She laughed nervously. "But I haven't done anything wrong."

"I'm sure it is just because they are keeping tabs on all of Gold Star's associations and you have nothing to be worried about." He assured her.

"I should have followed my gut and not taken them on as a client." She sighed.

"I'm sorry to have to tell you about this, but I figured you deserved to have a heads up about it."

"I appreciate it." She gave him a small smile. "Really, I do. Thank you."

He turned around and saw Donna approaching her desk. "I better go catch Donna before she runs off again."

"Enjoy your lunch." She said, watching him leave. She gave a smile to Donna when the woman waved. Once they were out of her line of sight, she frowned. Having the DOJ looking into her wasn't what she signed up for when she took on Gold Star as a client. She let herself get carried away with the fact that they worked so closely with her father. But that should have sent her running for the hills.

Knowing Harvey was out of the office at a meeting, she got up and made her way down the hallway. She knocked on the open door. "Got a minute?"

"Of course." Louis waved her in.

She went in and sat down.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"I need your help." She explained. "I need you to go over Gold Star Financials' books and see if you can find any irregularities."

"Why?"

"Let's just say I have my reasons." She decided to keep those reason as vague as possible for Louis.

"Alright." He nodded his head slowly. "When do you need it done by?"

"A couple of days if it's not too inconvenient."

"Not at all." He chuckled. "I'll go through their books with a fine tooth comb."

"Thank you." She smiled.

The wheels in her mind had yet to stop turning since Charles told her the DOJ was looking into her. All the way back to her office she thought about what the next move should be. When she arrived at her office she looked over into Harvey's and saw that he was back.

She hurried into his office and closed the door behind her.

"Hey you!" He smiled, looking up from his computer. "What's wrong?"

"Who says anything is wrong?" She laughed nervously.

"Your face gives it away." He got up from the desk and walked over to her. "What's going on?"

"It's probably nothing." She shrugged. "I mean, I haven't done anything wrong and I think I have a way to get out of it. But I just feel stupid for even getting into this situation in the first place. I mean, I should have listened to my gut instead of getting sentimental. Maybe I can blame the pregnancy hormones…though I don't think it is nice to blame the baby for my decision…"

"Rebecca." He interrupted, putting his hands on her shoulders. "You're rambling and not making a lot of sense."

She let him guide her over to the couch and sat down with him.

"Why don't you start from the beginning?" He suggested.

"Ok." She nodded. "Charles came to see me before he took Donna to lunch. He has a friend in the DOJ who told him that they are investigating Gold Star Financial."

"For what?"

"I don't know." She shrugged. "Charles wasn't able to find that out. Whatever is it is can't be something minor since the DOJ is involved. But he did find out that the DOJ is also looking into me since I am now Gold Star's lawyer."

"Shit." He closed his eyes for a moment.

"Yeah." She got up from the couch and went over to the window.

"Ok, so they may be looking into you. That's not going to be a problem though because you've done nothing wrong." He told her, getting up and standing next to her.

"Still…" She shook her head.

"You said you think you have a way out of it." He mentioned. "What are you thinking?"

"I'm having Louis look into their financials." She explained, looking over at him. She was afraid that he would be angry with her. After all, she shouldn't have taken them as a client in the first place. But she did and now look at what was happening.

But as she looked at his face, she didn't see anger. She saw a bunch of concern though. "When I drafted the contract I included a clause in there that either one of us could nullify the contract for any reason within the first 30 days. I still have time before that 30 days is up so I'm going to drop them as a client."

"You included that in the contract?" He chuckled.

"Yeah." She nodded.

"That's very clever."

"I only did it because I wasn't completely sold on taking them as a client in the first place. So I wanted to have a way to get out of it if I wanted to. And now I really want to."

"Do you need any help drafting the papers to nullify the contract?" He offered.

"No. Thanks though." She shook her head. "Besides, I have a couple of days. I have Louis looking into their financials and I want him to finish that before I tip my hand to let them know they need a new lawyer."

"Why do you have Louis working on that?"

"I want to see if I can find the reason the DOJ is investigating them." She explained. "I thought maybe there might be something in their financials that would give me a clue."

"And you went to Louis about it before you came to me?" He sighed.

"Yeah." She knew where he was going with that question. He thought that she was trusting Louis with this before him. "I did go to Louis first. But it was only because you weren't back from your meeting yet. And Louis doesn't know what is going on. He only knows I want him to go through it with a fine tooth comb. You're the first person I'm coming to with this."

She saw the look on his face change to a small smile and knew things were ok. "So I'm hoping that if I stop being their lawyer, the DOJ will stop looking into me."

"Even if they don't, they won't find anything on you." He assured her.

She took a deep breath. "Are you really that certain? After all, you know I've always had my doubts about the origins of the money my father left me. Not to mention, I know about Mike's secret. It's better for all of us if the DOJ stops looking into me as soon as possible."

"I doubt they would find out anything about Mike. We've covered our tracks well. And as for the money your father left you, even if it was obtained less than legally you didn't know about it. They can't prove a connection between you and that money. It's going to be fine." He told her, wrapping his arm around her waist.

"I hope you are right." She sighed, putting her head on his shoulder and closing her eyes.


End file.
